Process of growth and change

There are a few things I remember from college. "Stages of growth" is one of them. I can't remember what philosopher introduced this particular theory, but it has been a constant reminder to give myself mercy and grace in growing seasons. In the last 11 years, it has consistently proven true in my journey of change.


STAGE 1: Unconscious Incompetence: We go about our lives doing, believing, or feeling things simply because it was how we were raised, taught, or our personalities have a bent. We don't even know we are incompetent in a particular area (behavior, thinking, feeling, etc). We don't have to think about doing it wrong (or doing it in a less than healthy way.)

But then somehow, we see a certain behavior, thought pattern or relational pattern and realize there are different ways of thinking, behaving, being. Maybe mine isn't the healthiest way or most in line with the abundant life of Jesus. Maybe I should change. Yes, I need to change. This moves us to the next stage of growth.

STAGE 2: Conscious Incompetence: This stage is a booger for me. I wish it only lasted as long as it takes me to realize I need to change, but sometimes it lasts A LOT longer. Conscious Incompetency is when I continue repeating the behavior, thought or emotional pattern I don't want to repeat, and now I'm CONSCIOUS of the ill effects of the pattern. This is the period of growth when the enemy has a lot of room to condemn and discourage if I'm not on guard. Conscious Incompetency feels like I'm more of a failure than I ever felt I was in Unconscious Incompetency. BUT THIS IS GROWTH! In stage one of Unconscious Incompetency, I'm so ignorant of my incompetence that it doesn't bother me at all (it may bother everyone around me, but not me!). Conscious Incompetency is the stage in which we need mountains of grace and mercy for ourselves. This place of conscious awareness of the detriments of our patterns propel us into the next stage. . .

STAGE 3: Conscious Competence: This stage is when you finally get some tools in your tool belt to start implementing change in your thinking, behavior, or emotions. Conscious Competency is an exhausting stage because you have to labor to implement changes you need and want to make. Any tension, transition, stressful day or circumstance out of the ordinary may throw you right back into stage 2 of Conscious Incompetency because your new behavior isn't quite solidified. When things normalize again, you are able to move back into Conscious Competency. GIVE YOURSELF MERCY in those times of stress and transition. We aren't working for perfection, just change.

STAGE 4: Unconscious Competence: The last stage comes slowly and most often without conscious realization of growth. All of a sudden you stop and wonder, "How long has it been since I actually thought, behaved, felt that way? WOW! I've really grown!" Unconscious Competency is when you simply behave, think, and feel the way you knew you wanted or needed to back in stage 2. Now you don't have to even think about doing it right. You are Unconsciously Competent! It's part of you now. You just live it. When I look back 2, 5, 10 years ago, this is the stuff that blows me away! Jesus, YOU ARE CHANGING ME!! I am NOT the same person I was back then. And now I don't even have to work at it.

Where does the power of God and the Presence of the Holy Spirit come into this process? In every stage!! If I try to walk through these stages on my own, I can't do it. Maybe some amazing people have enough gumption within themselves to change and walk through the difficulty of true transformation in their own will power . . . but I don't.

• It's the Holy Spirit who allows me to stay in unconscious incompetence with patterns in my life until I'm ready to get on the road of transformation in that area! He is so patient!
• It's the Holy Spirit that reveals to my heart and mind that I NEED to change something (and he may use a hundred different ways to reveal this).
• It's the Holy Spirit who under girds me through conscious incompetence when I could simply collapse from feeling like such a failure in the growth process.
• It's the Holy Spirit who strengthens me in my inner being to bring about conscious competence.
• It's the Holy Spirit who speaks directly to my spirit or leads me to resources or people who can pray me through the labor of implementing new ways of thinking, feeling, behaving.
• It's the Holy Spirit who gives me the tenacity and ability to persevere when I can't see any growth.
• It's the Holy Spirit who solidifies the newness in my being.
• Ultimately, it's the Holy Spirit, the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead who is alive in me, who sets me free from patterns and habits and ways of thinking, feeling and behaving that are not in line with the abundant life of Jesus.

I surrender to YOU, Holy Spirit and to this process of change.

Grace and mercy in your processes of growth!