Quote of the Day

~Excerpt from "Loving Our Kids On Purpose" by Danny Silk

"You can't be so concerned about your kids cleaning up their messes that you don't allow them to make them in the first place.

When they do, the first priority is not cleaning it up, but making sure the mess has an owner. Every problem must find its owner before we can ever offer a solution. If you try to solve another human being's problem when that person doesn't have a problem, you are not being helpful. You are a nag. You are a meddler. You are a manipulator. That is the truth. You can say, "No I'm not. I'm just trying to be a good mom. I'm must trying to be a good dad. [I'm just trying to be a good wife!] I'm just loving you." But that is because you are still operating from a paradigm where love looks like control."

-------
When I read this paragraph this weekend, light bulbs went on in my head and heart! Since childhood, I have felt responsible for other people's problems. I learned how to be a rescuer of those who didn't want to or know how to own and solve their own problems. After reading this, praying through it and realizing the implications this has had in my life, I feel liberated from the prison of everyone else's problems!! I don't have to own, clean up, or figure out what to do with them: not my husband's, my children's, or any one else I'm in relationship with!
Practicing this has cut my frustration and anger level down to almost none! So this was the other amazing discovery. I realized that a great amount of my tension and frustration came from feeling like I had to solve everyone's problems, clean up after everyone's mistakes, and be emotionally tangled up with everyone's battles! Now that I am letting them own their issues and problems, giving them choices and consequences, and simply standing by to support and encourage, I have so much peace! Whenever I start to feel tension rising, I ask myself, "Who's problem are you taking on?" Within minutes I am able to let go of ownership of problems that aren't mine and I'm free to parent or be a wife lovingly and creatively not controlling and angry! This feels miraculous!