I've got a million thoughts I'd love to process about the cleanse, what I'm learning, how the Lord is speaking to me through it and about it. But I don't have the time to formulate succinct posts or to ramble long enough to get the point out! Here is one story.
Sunday I had some alone time and was trying to worship and pray. It seemed my mind was in a fog and I couldn't get my spirit to just receive. I thought part of it was due to the cleanse and hives, both of which are distracting. Instead of fighting it, I simply lay face down in a patch of sunlight on the floor. A friend texted and reminded me that Jesus was always with me and I didn't have to work for or work up anything. So I rested in His Presence. He is with me.
As I was lying there, a little ladybug came sauntering into my view. I observed her for a long time. For several minutes she was trying to get somewhere, maybe in futility, maybe with direction. . . who could tell. Then all of a sudden, she stopped and began cleaning herself. It was fascinating to watch this delicate little bug clean her whole body. She took at least 15 minutes. Now in the lifespan of a bug, that's a LONG time to stop for a cleanse!
One of the things I have wrestled with in doing this cleanse is that I feel like it hinders my ability to rest in the Lord and pray and worship (detoxing has been brutal and my mind is captivated by what I'm supposed to be doing and eating or not eating). I've repeatedly asked the Lord if this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now even though physically, I am desperate for healing of these chronic hives and other issues I've battled for years. How does this line up with going deeper with the Lord and trusting him for healing?
As I watched the ladybug, I felt the Lord speaking to me. I sensed him say that taking time to cleanse is necessary for all His creation (even bugs)! I felt him reassure me that this time is beneficial and not a waste of time. I heard him say that He is the healer. Being responsible to do what I have learned could bring relief and healing to my body is not in opposition to trusting Him for healing. He reassured me that even though it may feel like I'm not going deeper, He is taking me deeper and this is part of it. When I step back, I can see how this is being accomplished, even though I can't feel it. Spiritually, He is dealing with lust of the flesh issues that I've battled with over food for years. Emotionally, He's putting his healing hands on areas of my heart that may have been the starting point of all my health issues. It's been a deep process, though not as fun as other times. Physically, I can feel things shifting in my health.
Bottom line, Jesus loves it when we live all of life for him, whether that's the heights of spiritual experiences or the nitty gritty of cleansing and healing. All in preparation!
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