Happy New Year. . . of No Resolutions!

Do you ever feel like you can't hear one more good idea or noble thing someone is attempting (or accomplishing) while you struggle to get through the day to day? Well, I do. Sometimes it's really strong and sometimes it's not there at all. I felt the tension building the last two months. During these phases, I have to stop reading blogs, biographies, self-help books, missionary updates, etc. or else I fall deeper into the pit. I just don't measure up (to my own expectations).

I used to be very perfectionistic and religious. Bad combo. Occasionally, those rats come back to see if there's any little doors open for them. Evidently there were a few cracks in the wall big enough for a couple to slip through. It starts with condemnation about my parenting, then my eating/health habits, marriage, on down the list. If I don't catch it right away, I'm barely breathing, up to my neck in the mud before I get out again. Last night Jesus threw me a rope and I'm sitting on the bank of the mud pit catching my breath, seeing it all so clearly.

I've heard it called "navel gazing." The cure is "Jesus gazing." I can look at myself and all that needs to change, or I can look at Jesus and all that He is: for me, in me, absolutely.
Hebrews 12:1-2
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. WE DO THIS BY KEEPING OUR EYES ON JESUS, on whom our faith depends from start to finish."

Because of my tendencies to constantly be working on some hideous character flaw or issue that still plagues me, I think the Lord is saying that this is a year of PEACE and BALANCE for me. For the first time in several years, I don't have a bunch of goals to start my year. I think it's supposed to be that way for me. So in stating that the year is about peace and balance, I guess I still wiggled in a "goal," but it's a goal to have no agenda of "things that have to change" in me. I'm going back to "being" in Jesus, knowing I'm "dark yet lovely" to him (Song of Songs).

If you're like me and struggling with the feeling that you don't measure up, take some time with Jesus and let him break the chains again. Grab a friend and have them pray for you. Revel in the TRUTH that we are loved simply because we are His children.