HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!

Disequilabration here we come!  The short story . . . . we are making plans to return to Pemba, Mozambique and Thursday we heard that we are welcome back there.

Long story. . . .It's too long.  Summary, Heath has come to feel that all his business endeavors here have been a mixed priority attempt to make enough passive income to support our desire to serve the poor and needy around the world.  He's done with that struggle and has decided he needs to do what his passions are, what he feels created for, and allow God to be Provider for all our passion and dreams to bring His Kingdom to the ends of the earth.  But let me just make it known. . . I've IMMENSELY enjoyed bringing His Kingdom to the Central Valley in my little sphere of influence these last 5 years.

God has been shaping a desire and dream in Heath to bring small business endeavors to developing nations, working to bring sustainable living help and teaching and provision.  Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.  I wish you could hear Heath talk about all the dreams he has for 3rd world nations, bringing practical answers alongside of the Presence and Power of the Spirit of God.  Both are the Kingdom of God among us.  And Iris Pemba seems to be our best inroad to seeing these dreams come to life.  And. . . they would love to have us back.  And. . . ALL of my kids are excited to go back, which is the biggest miracle to me.

How am I feeling about it all?  I am absolutely ready to go anywhere in the world. . . . except back to Pemba!!!!!  Why?  Because I know what I'm going back to.  There is no blind excitement and adrenaline rush that will carry us across the globe this time.  And I know I didn't manage it well 6 years ago.  Am I a changed enough woman to do it well this time?  Do I know more of God. . . enough of God to be able to walk out my door and not feel like I'm going to be a puddle of overwhelming sadness because I just don't know what my part is in helping fight against this great big, gigantic evil called poverty that ravages these beautiful children and families that I can't even talk to because I can't speak their language?  Can I do this?  I am so desperate for more of Jesus you can't even imagine my desperation right now.  And as I am typing these words the song, Set A Fire by The United Pursuit Band is playing and the tears are flowing.  "I WANT MORE OF YOU GOD!"

Please don't misunderstand my raw emotion.  I KNOW we are supposed to go back.  It's just that until I make new memories and have new experiences, the 6 months I have stored up are full of feelings of failure or at the very least, feelings of inadequacy.  I will still be inadequate.  I will still be emotional.  I will still have very little idea of how to manage the amount of pain and sadness and need that will be right outside my gate.  But I have Jesus.  And He says He is enough.  He is more than enough.  Are You?  Are You really more than enough for every single orphan I will hug?  Are you more than enough for the villages underwater right now?  You are.  I have to believe it.  I have to believe it or I will die.  And I have 5 years of growth and change and experiences of the love of God that I am PRAYING with all my heart is enough to give me the strength to live this next adventure out in wholeness instead of hanging on by the skin of my teeth.  

So there are my raw thoughts after 2 1/2 days of knowing we are moving.  If you want more of a glimpse of the words my heart are singing, The United Pursuit Band has an album called "Endless Years."  Many of the songs are putting words to all my emotion.

It will be a good adventure.  I know it deep in my spirit.  Now I hope my mind will come around! :-)