Reputation or Authenticity 2

A couple weeks ago, a friend of ours gently, and possibly unknowingly, convicted me about caring too much about being understood by onlookers. He explained that he is in a place with his relationship with the Lord that he really doesn't care if people understand him or his experiences with the Lord. He shared that he has been in a place in the past when he didn't necessarily need people to agree with his positions or experiences but that he wanted to be at least understood. That statement hit a tender spot in my heart.

At that moment, I knew the same was true for me now. I don't need people to agree with me. I just don't want people to think I am a lunatic!! I want to be understood. I want people to know my story so they don't judge so harshly (or at all)! I want people to know that I came from a very conservative background so that they feel like I may have at least a smidgen of understanding for their position even if I look or sound WAY OUT THERE. Sometimes I am guarded in how and what I share. Sometimes that is simply wisdom and other times, it is simply self protection.

I think it all boils down to caring about my reputation. UGH. Maybe I have no readers who would be offended by what I believe and experience with the Lord. And maybe I have many who would classify me as a lunatic if they really knew! :-) Either way, I know that I have to be authentic. So, (here I go trying to be understood!) Bottom line, I love God more than I love my reputation. He is WILD AND CRAZY and sometimes I reflect his wildness and his craziness. He is funny and sometimes I will look funny! He is incomprehensible and sometimes the things He asks of me or does through me will be incomprehensible to onlookers. He is loving and merciful and sometimes I will reflect that. And sometimes I will simply reflect that I was born into a fallen world and struggle with my flesh! In all of what I share, I pray you will hear "authentic." I hope that you are encouraged to know and surrender to the Holy Spirit more. And honestly, I do hope that you aren't offended but rather intrigued. But I'm ok with people being offended or thinking I'm a lunatic if my intention is to be lovingly authentic in all I share and do.

So there it is. . . my attempt to be understood in my desire to let go of needing to "be understood!!!!"