Disequilabration here we come! The short story . . . . we are making plans to return to Pemba, Mozambique and Thursday we heard that we are welcome back there.
Long story. . . .It's too long. Summary, Heath has come to feel that all his business endeavors here have been a mixed priority attempt to make enough passive income to support our desire to serve the poor and needy around the world. He's done with that struggle and has decided he needs to do what his passions are, what he feels created for, and allow God to be Provider for all our passion and dreams to bring His Kingdom to the ends of the earth. But let me just make it known. . . I've IMMENSELY enjoyed bringing His Kingdom to the Central Valley in my little sphere of influence these last 5 years.
God has been shaping a desire and dream in Heath to bring small business endeavors to developing nations, working to bring sustainable living help and teaching and provision. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime. I wish you could hear Heath talk about all the dreams he has for 3rd world nations, bringing practical answers alongside of the Presence and Power of the Spirit of God. Both are the Kingdom of God among us. And Iris Pemba seems to be our best inroad to seeing these dreams come to life. And. . . they would love to have us back. And. . . ALL of my kids are excited to go back, which is the biggest miracle to me.
How am I feeling about it all? I am absolutely ready to go anywhere in the world. . . . except back to Pemba!!!!! Why? Because I know what I'm going back to. There is no blind excitement and adrenaline rush that will carry us across the globe this time. And I know I didn't manage it well 6 years ago. Am I a changed enough woman to do it well this time? Do I know more of God. . . enough of God to be able to walk out my door and not feel like I'm going to be a puddle of overwhelming sadness because I just don't know what my part is in helping fight against this great big, gigantic evil called poverty that ravages these beautiful children and families that I can't even talk to because I can't speak their language? Can I do this? I am so desperate for more of Jesus you can't even imagine my desperation right now. And as I am typing these words the song, Set A Fire by The United Pursuit Band is playing and the tears are flowing. "I WANT MORE OF YOU GOD!"
Please don't misunderstand my raw emotion. I KNOW we are supposed to go back. It's just that until I make new memories and have new experiences, the 6 months I have stored up are full of feelings of failure or at the very least, feelings of inadequacy. I will still be inadequate. I will still be emotional. I will still have very little idea of how to manage the amount of pain and sadness and need that will be right outside my gate. But I have Jesus. And He says He is enough. He is more than enough. Are You? Are You really more than enough for every single orphan I will hug? Are you more than enough for the villages underwater right now? You are. I have to believe it. I have to believe it or I will die. And I have 5 years of growth and change and experiences of the love of God that I am PRAYING with all my heart is enough to give me the strength to live this next adventure out in wholeness instead of hanging on by the skin of my teeth.
So there are my raw thoughts after 2 1/2 days of knowing we are moving. If you want more of a glimpse of the words my heart are singing, The United Pursuit Band has an album called "Endless Years." Many of the songs are putting words to all my emotion.
It will be a good adventure. I know it deep in my spirit. Now I hope my mind will come around! :-)
Showing posts with label Leaping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Leaping. Show all posts
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Equilibrium?
We all like to keep our balance. . . physically, emotionally, and spiritually speaking. But there is a concept I learned in Human Growth and Development class long, long ago that haunts me. Disequilibration: to put out of equilibrium; unbalance.
In my college class, the professor reiterated again and again how there is greater potential for human growth and development in periods of disequilibration. YUCK. That is not happy for any person who wants to grow but clings to their equilibrium with white knuckles.
I've repeatedly found it to be true. These last 5 years have been about regaining my equilibrium. And there has been some amazing benefits, growth, and peace in my heart. As we contemplate a new jump, I feel the rumbling and shaking under my feet. DISEQUILIBRATION, HERE WE COME! And this time around, I refuse to go kicking and screaming into the season that will create amazing opportunities for growth and development. I will embrace my season of disequilibration. . . . at least today I will. ;-)
In my college class, the professor reiterated again and again how there is greater potential for human growth and development in periods of disequilibration. YUCK. That is not happy for any person who wants to grow but clings to their equilibrium with white knuckles.
I've repeatedly found it to be true. These last 5 years have been about regaining my equilibrium. And there has been some amazing benefits, growth, and peace in my heart. As we contemplate a new jump, I feel the rumbling and shaking under my feet. DISEQUILIBRATION, HERE WE COME! And this time around, I refuse to go kicking and screaming into the season that will create amazing opportunities for growth and development. I will embrace my season of disequilibration. . . . at least today I will. ;-)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
News on the Leaping Lockes
This is the short of the very long story. We are now NOT moving to Redding, California. In fact, we are now planning to make this area our long term residence for the sake of roots for our children. I really don't have the wherewithal right now to explain it so that's for another day. We are all feeling a great amount of peace and joy in this decision.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Kids in transition
Kids transition just as roughly as adults. But often their processing comes out in weird or bad behavior and there is a tendency to simply crack down on discipline or ignore it completely. Here's what my kids look like in transition and it is down right HARD.
One of my kids ended up with a severe skin rash. I really think it's all the stress she is trying to process and it came out on her body. Ugh.
One of my kids gets extremely disrespectful and rude. Makes me want to go through the roof.
One of my kids has to go to the bathroom every two minutes and I am being literal.
So, what NOT to do with your kids in transition?
Try NOT to drop your schedule and routine even though your life feels like it's a whirlwind, tornado, or hurricane. If you do, as I did, you WILL end up in a hurricane.
Try NOT to be quick to discipline actions in a harsher way but instead take time to get to the heart of the behavior. . . it's most likely that the child is sad and unable to process all the changes in their little life.
Sunday night, I was at an overload, hurricane alert, disaster impending place as mommy and household manager. I called a family meeting and we all reinstated the routine. Ahhhh. Life is moving along considerably smoother. Other things have shifted as well, which I will be sharing in the near future. These shifts have brought more peace to the kids and myself. Looking back, I simply wish I could maintain structure and routine even when I'm in a whirlwind. So if you're in transition, or heading into transition, I'll pray you are able to do what I couldn't, for the sake of your kids.
One of my kids ended up with a severe skin rash. I really think it's all the stress she is trying to process and it came out on her body. Ugh.
One of my kids gets extremely disrespectful and rude. Makes me want to go through the roof.
One of my kids has to go to the bathroom every two minutes and I am being literal.
So, what NOT to do with your kids in transition?
Try NOT to drop your schedule and routine even though your life feels like it's a whirlwind, tornado, or hurricane. If you do, as I did, you WILL end up in a hurricane.
Try NOT to be quick to discipline actions in a harsher way but instead take time to get to the heart of the behavior. . . it's most likely that the child is sad and unable to process all the changes in their little life.
Sunday night, I was at an overload, hurricane alert, disaster impending place as mommy and household manager. I called a family meeting and we all reinstated the routine. Ahhhh. Life is moving along considerably smoother. Other things have shifted as well, which I will be sharing in the near future. These shifts have brought more peace to the kids and myself. Looking back, I simply wish I could maintain structure and routine even when I'm in a whirlwind. So if you're in transition, or heading into transition, I'll pray you are able to do what I couldn't, for the sake of your kids.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Quote of the Day
~From "Tales of the Restoration" by David and Karen Mains:
"The fear is more in the going than in the doing."
"The fear is more in the going than in the doing."
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Tender Hearted Asher
I posted lasted night that the grieving has begun. As I sat in a puddle of tears in our quiet, peaceful home surrounded by night sounds of the country, I remembered. I remembered moving in. I remembered two years of highlights with the kids' birthdays and holidays with friends and family. I remembered many things.
And as I sat with Jesus' holding me close to his heart, I heard his heart beating for Asher. My tender, relational Asher. I've seen him enter a new stage of behavioral problems in the last month. At first I was passing it off as turning 5. Then I was passing it off on allergies and sickness that hit us. The last several days though, I've been wondering if it was about the move. Last night Jesus told me it was. So the grieving has begun for us all. And the thing about being a mom is that you don't get to grieve in solitude. You have the honor and challenge of leading all your little ones through healthy grieving and goodbyes. It a task not for the weak to be sure.
Today I have Asher and Ella all to myself. I love these times when I can focus on them as individuals rather than trying to corral the posse! The three of us snuggled on the couch at 6:30 AM (after the spilt milk and cereal was cleaned up, of course) and watched a cartoon. It happened to be a saddish cartoon. Somewhere in the middle, when the little puppy was missing his family, I could see Asher's eyes tearing up. Perfect opportunity to go deeper.
I gently probed about his feelings concerning the movie and then about moving.
"Are you sad about moving to another place?"
"Um hmm."
"What are you going to miss?"
"The Georges and Kelly." And the tears were rolling . . . for us both. It was a good cry, a good snuggle, and a good connection.
After a month of wanting move his room out to the barn, his behavior is back to my sweet, funny Asher. Giving myself permission to grieve allows me to give my children permission to grieve and to go through the process with them as much as they need me to (when I'm aware).
Oh and in case you're afraid our house will be under water from all the tears by the end of the next 3 months, not to worry. We don't cry ALL the time. Just when we feel it bubbling up to the surface. There will be happy remembering moments mixed in with the tears.
If you think of us, please pray for Jesus' arms to be tangible for us through this time.
And as I sat with Jesus' holding me close to his heart, I heard his heart beating for Asher. My tender, relational Asher. I've seen him enter a new stage of behavioral problems in the last month. At first I was passing it off as turning 5. Then I was passing it off on allergies and sickness that hit us. The last several days though, I've been wondering if it was about the move. Last night Jesus told me it was. So the grieving has begun for us all. And the thing about being a mom is that you don't get to grieve in solitude. You have the honor and challenge of leading all your little ones through healthy grieving and goodbyes. It a task not for the weak to be sure.
Today I have Asher and Ella all to myself. I love these times when I can focus on them as individuals rather than trying to corral the posse! The three of us snuggled on the couch at 6:30 AM (after the spilt milk and cereal was cleaned up, of course) and watched a cartoon. It happened to be a saddish cartoon. Somewhere in the middle, when the little puppy was missing his family, I could see Asher's eyes tearing up. Perfect opportunity to go deeper.
I gently probed about his feelings concerning the movie and then about moving.
"Are you sad about moving to another place?"
"Um hmm."
"What are you going to miss?"
"The Georges and Kelly." And the tears were rolling . . . for us both. It was a good cry, a good snuggle, and a good connection.
After a month of wanting move his room out to the barn, his behavior is back to my sweet, funny Asher. Giving myself permission to grieve allows me to give my children permission to grieve and to go through the process with them as much as they need me to (when I'm aware).
Oh and in case you're afraid our house will be under water from all the tears by the end of the next 3 months, not to worry. We don't cry ALL the time. Just when we feel it bubbling up to the surface. There will be happy remembering moments mixed in with the tears.
If you think of us, please pray for Jesus' arms to be tangible for us through this time.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Transitions
I've kept away from personal posts lately, not really on purpose. I realized this as I skimmed my recent posts. Some of it has been purely busyness, parenting, potty training troubles, and Easter preparations. And some of it has been because my heart is in transition.
It's incredible that I have forgotten how transition feels after having so many throughout our short 11 1/2 years of marriage. It's all coming back to me like a flood. Grieving. I have never lost a loved one, so I'm not speaking of grieving like that.
Early on in our journey I realized a few things about myself in transition. Whether it was preparing for the birth of a child, moving to a new apartment, moving from a beloved job, moving into strangers' home, moving out of dear friends' home, moving to Africa, coming home from Africa to no "home" of our own, or landing in Strathmore, California, these all created deep and lonely times of grieving. But through it all, I have learned that if I don't grieve what I'm saying goodbye to, I cannot fully embrace what I'm moving into. And I want to live in the present wherever I am, not in the past trying to hold on to something because I didn't grieve well.
So my grieving has begun. Through all the potty training problems, I didn't realize that part of my emotional tension was partly because the grieving has started. I came to peace with the potty training issue about 3 days ago. It was at that point, I started to feel the sadness of leaving. I know it's 3 months away, but I always start feeling this around this period of time before a major change.
Tears are on the verge even now. Not sure what my posts will look or feel like over the next several months. I will try to give real glimpses into this transition and my heart. This is what I know. I have to grieve. I want to grieve. I want good closure so that I can embrace and enjoy our next season. So dear friends who live close to me, be prepared for tears. And don't stress out about them . . . I'm not. I just need to cry. I just need to feel. I just need a hug. The grieving has begun.
It's incredible that I have forgotten how transition feels after having so many throughout our short 11 1/2 years of marriage. It's all coming back to me like a flood. Grieving. I have never lost a loved one, so I'm not speaking of grieving like that.
Early on in our journey I realized a few things about myself in transition. Whether it was preparing for the birth of a child, moving to a new apartment, moving from a beloved job, moving into strangers' home, moving out of dear friends' home, moving to Africa, coming home from Africa to no "home" of our own, or landing in Strathmore, California, these all created deep and lonely times of grieving. But through it all, I have learned that if I don't grieve what I'm saying goodbye to, I cannot fully embrace what I'm moving into. And I want to live in the present wherever I am, not in the past trying to hold on to something because I didn't grieve well.
So my grieving has begun. Through all the potty training problems, I didn't realize that part of my emotional tension was partly because the grieving has started. I came to peace with the potty training issue about 3 days ago. It was at that point, I started to feel the sadness of leaving. I know it's 3 months away, but I always start feeling this around this period of time before a major change.
Tears are on the verge even now. Not sure what my posts will look or feel like over the next several months. I will try to give real glimpses into this transition and my heart. This is what I know. I have to grieve. I want to grieve. I want good closure so that I can embrace and enjoy our next season. So dear friends who live close to me, be prepared for tears. And don't stress out about them . . . I'm not. I just need to cry. I just need to feel. I just need a hug. The grieving has begun.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Locke Leaping Update (Repeat email I sent out last night)
Hey Friends and Family,
Many things have transpired over the last month! We aren't starving to death, so that's good. We are still living in a house and not out of our van or on the streets, so that's good too! :-) I'm sure you're dying to know how Jesus came through for us, hey? I'll give you three guesses and give you a hundred bucks if you can guess (if you haven't heard the story yet). :-) Just Kidding. I'll give you a short version for those who like cliff notes. I'll follow it up with the mini novel, for those of you who like details and drama!! Thanks for taking time to read and for your friendship, encouragement, and following our journey.
SHORT VERSION:
Heath and I feel the Lord has said it's time to move again. Yes, physically move to another city. So, as of right now, we are planning to move to Redding, California at the beginning of July of this year. In light of this move, Heath feels it isn't worth the effort to build the business here only to leave potential clients and opportunities in 3 months. Soooo, he is back at his 9 to 5 job for the next 3 months. He is considering attending the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry up in Redding this fall, but this is not set in stone yet. That's the short of it folks!
LONG VERSION: (Grab your coffee, diet coke, or cupcake and enjoy the wild journey!)
In January, Heath and I both had an overwhelming feeling that the faith step of quitting his job to pursue "Covert Purpose" business was a "God set up." After he was done with his job, we knew Heath needed to be faithful to pursue and put all his effort into Covert Purpose (career and financial coaching). But the whole time, we've been waiting for the curve ball. While he was making "good contacts," we were fully covered financially for the month of February because of a videography job Heath finished up. But his stress about the business and our finances kept mounting.
That's what led Heath to fast and pray for a week at the end of February. He specifically took Wednesday through Friday to be alone with the Lord and wrestle things out. He came home a different man. . . and I'm not even kidding. I have not seen and felt such peace on Heath for over 2 1/2 years (ever since Mozambique). So here's the crazy curve ball part:
On Thursday early morning, the Lord woke me up at 4:44 and told me to read Luke 4:44. I wasn't even sure there was a Luke 4:44 but figured the Lord would know!! Verse 43 and 44 says, "I must preach the Good News of the Kingdom of God in other places, too, because that is why I was sent. (v.44) So he continued to travel around, preaching in synagogues throughout Judea."
Ok, that was wild to me because Heath and I have known this year is about travel through other words from the Lord. And though Heath has thought it was connected to his business endeavors, I have had an underlying feeling that it was related to prayer meetings and more overt discipleship "ministry" (for lack of better terminology). But I didn't know how that would look or fit with what Heath was pursuing. I just let it be an underlying feeling. After reading the verse, I felt more sure that the travel this year is related to preaching the Good News and discipling people in the Body. Hmmm. Still not sure how this will look or transpire.
Flash back to a week prior to waking up at 4:44 AM: out of the blue, I told Heath, "I really love it here. I love the people, I love our prayer group, I love the area, I love our house, I love everything about living here and never want to leave." Heath said, "I like it too. I don't plan on going anywhere."
Flash forward: Later in the morning (after the 4:44 incident) I was worshiping and heard the Lord say to me, "Emie, what if it's time to move? Would you be ok with that?" I didn't shut him down with an "absolutely not," but I wasn't excited about it either. He didn't say anything else. He just let me ponder it all morning and occasionally brought things to mind to confirm that he had just asked me that.
Meanwhile, Heath was alone at a friend's empty house praying and worshiping and asking the Lord why he was feeling like there wasn't any breakthrough, and why he was spiritually feeling disconnected from faith and believing that God was going to come through financially. As he was worshiping, the Lord, out of the blue, said to him, "What if you're in the wrong place." So Heath asked, "Do you mean it's time to move?" "Yes." Heath's response was, "Emie isn't going to like this idea." (there was more, I just can't remember it).
SO he called and said, "Ok, I have something I feel like Jesus dropped in my lap to pray about. It isn't for sure, we just need to pray. I think Jesus said it's time to move."
My response? "I know." Heath about dropped over dead. Sooo, that began the conversation about moving. Heath felt the Lord wasn't giving a specific place to move. But Heath mentioned that Redding, CA would be a place he would like to be around for awhile. He loves Bethel's heart and focus on supernatural influence in the world (Business, education, government, etc.) When he shared that with me, I felt total peace and excitement. Right now we really sense we are to move forward in this direction. We are strongly considering Heath going to the School of Supernatural Ministry at Bethel Church in Redding as well. He is also planning to implement his business ideas and make contacts once we get there. We wouldn't move until after June because of Abiel's ballet recital and Heath is facilitating a Dave Ramsey "Financial Peace University" course for 13 weeks. We are open to the Lord redirecting or changing the plan, but for now, our hearts, spirits and minds are in complete unity and peace about this direction.
As for Heath and Covert Purpose? Has he, have I, been hearing God wrong in this direction? Neither of us feel that. For Heath, he knows that everything he learned and pursued will come full circle . . . in God's time and way. Heath loves business stuff and longs to see it done supernaturally, yet has never been part of business done this way. He desires to be around more like minded men/women who can teach him how. He feels the last few months have been striving to make it happen verses allowing the Holy Spirit to move it (hence the fast). It can be exhausting to continually live from day to day, week to week, or generous gift to the next generous gift. Part of his business endeavors were designed in hopes to give us a little financial breathing room. He knows it has to be about dependence on God and being connected to other people. And, he knows deep within his heart that he is called to preach the gospel. . . overtly. Neither of us feel like his work, time, effort, or money put into Covert Purpose is wasted or lost or that he's giving it up to go in a completely different direction. All of this has better equipped Heath and I to see individuals freed up to radically obey the Lord. Heath's heart is for people to become debt free so they can "more easily" go where the Lord directs.
For me, I felt the whole time that Heath needed to pursue this avenue as hard as he could and as far as the Lord would let him. I haven't really been concerned about whether or not it was what we were ultimately supposed to do, because I don't see life as finding the one thing we're supposed to do and then buckling down for the rest of our lives to do it. (Our "one thing" is loving, worshiping and co-laboring with Jesus. Other than that, our "one thing" is playing out in many avenues and venues throughout our lives.) A couple months ago, when I asked the Lord if we were on or off target, the Lord said, "You're on target, just not the bulls eye. But it won't take anything for me to make the arrow hit the bullseye." After that, I have had complete peace that even if we were a bit "off" we were "on" because Jesus could just send the "wind" and we'd be on target! Maybe this is the "Wind."
Last bit of craziness: Because of moving in 4 months, Heath has not had peace about trying to establish the business here. That means he is backing away from Covert for awhile. This gave him a lot of mind and physical time that he wasn't sure what to do with. We had our prayer team pray with us and Heath decided that getting a job for the next four months is the best option for lots of reasons. Short of the long of it is that he is back at Griffith Farms (his former job)! His boss was excited to have his help for the next few months, Heath is excited to have a paycheck for the next few months, and I am excited to have a few months of normal schedule again!!!!! (Heath at home = no set schedule!!)
SO, that is the new crazy direction we are moving. We are at peace and are very excited. . . even the kids!
As always, pray that our eyes are locked on Jesus, not on the impossibilities of everything in our path.
Blessings in your own journey.
emie for the Lockes
Many things have transpired over the last month! We aren't starving to death, so that's good. We are still living in a house and not out of our van or on the streets, so that's good too! :-) I'm sure you're dying to know how Jesus came through for us, hey? I'll give you three guesses and give you a hundred bucks if you can guess (if you haven't heard the story yet). :-) Just Kidding. I'll give you a short version for those who like cliff notes. I'll follow it up with the mini novel, for those of you who like details and drama!! Thanks for taking time to read and for your friendship, encouragement, and following our journey.
SHORT VERSION:
Heath and I feel the Lord has said it's time to move again. Yes, physically move to another city. So, as of right now, we are planning to move to Redding, California at the beginning of July of this year. In light of this move, Heath feels it isn't worth the effort to build the business here only to leave potential clients and opportunities in 3 months. Soooo, he is back at his 9 to 5 job for the next 3 months. He is considering attending the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry up in Redding this fall, but this is not set in stone yet. That's the short of it folks!
LONG VERSION: (Grab your coffee, diet coke, or cupcake and enjoy the wild journey!)
In January, Heath and I both had an overwhelming feeling that the faith step of quitting his job to pursue "Covert Purpose" business was a "God set up." After he was done with his job, we knew Heath needed to be faithful to pursue and put all his effort into Covert Purpose (career and financial coaching). But the whole time, we've been waiting for the curve ball. While he was making "good contacts," we were fully covered financially for the month of February because of a videography job Heath finished up. But his stress about the business and our finances kept mounting.
That's what led Heath to fast and pray for a week at the end of February. He specifically took Wednesday through Friday to be alone with the Lord and wrestle things out. He came home a different man. . . and I'm not even kidding. I have not seen and felt such peace on Heath for over 2 1/2 years (ever since Mozambique). So here's the crazy curve ball part:
On Thursday early morning, the Lord woke me up at 4:44 and told me to read Luke 4:44. I wasn't even sure there was a Luke 4:44 but figured the Lord would know!! Verse 43 and 44 says, "I must preach the Good News of the Kingdom of God in other places, too, because that is why I was sent. (v.44) So he continued to travel around, preaching in synagogues throughout Judea."
Ok, that was wild to me because Heath and I have known this year is about travel through other words from the Lord. And though Heath has thought it was connected to his business endeavors, I have had an underlying feeling that it was related to prayer meetings and more overt discipleship "ministry" (for lack of better terminology). But I didn't know how that would look or fit with what Heath was pursuing. I just let it be an underlying feeling. After reading the verse, I felt more sure that the travel this year is related to preaching the Good News and discipling people in the Body. Hmmm. Still not sure how this will look or transpire.
Flash back to a week prior to waking up at 4:44 AM: out of the blue, I told Heath, "I really love it here. I love the people, I love our prayer group, I love the area, I love our house, I love everything about living here and never want to leave." Heath said, "I like it too. I don't plan on going anywhere."
Flash forward: Later in the morning (after the 4:44 incident) I was worshiping and heard the Lord say to me, "Emie, what if it's time to move? Would you be ok with that?" I didn't shut him down with an "absolutely not," but I wasn't excited about it either. He didn't say anything else. He just let me ponder it all morning and occasionally brought things to mind to confirm that he had just asked me that.
Meanwhile, Heath was alone at a friend's empty house praying and worshiping and asking the Lord why he was feeling like there wasn't any breakthrough, and why he was spiritually feeling disconnected from faith and believing that God was going to come through financially. As he was worshiping, the Lord, out of the blue, said to him, "What if you're in the wrong place." So Heath asked, "Do you mean it's time to move?" "Yes." Heath's response was, "Emie isn't going to like this idea." (there was more, I just can't remember it).
SO he called and said, "Ok, I have something I feel like Jesus dropped in my lap to pray about. It isn't for sure, we just need to pray. I think Jesus said it's time to move."
My response? "I know." Heath about dropped over dead. Sooo, that began the conversation about moving. Heath felt the Lord wasn't giving a specific place to move. But Heath mentioned that Redding, CA would be a place he would like to be around for awhile. He loves Bethel's heart and focus on supernatural influence in the world (Business, education, government, etc.) When he shared that with me, I felt total peace and excitement. Right now we really sense we are to move forward in this direction. We are strongly considering Heath going to the School of Supernatural Ministry at Bethel Church in Redding as well. He is also planning to implement his business ideas and make contacts once we get there. We wouldn't move until after June because of Abiel's ballet recital and Heath is facilitating a Dave Ramsey "Financial Peace University" course for 13 weeks. We are open to the Lord redirecting or changing the plan, but for now, our hearts, spirits and minds are in complete unity and peace about this direction.
As for Heath and Covert Purpose? Has he, have I, been hearing God wrong in this direction? Neither of us feel that. For Heath, he knows that everything he learned and pursued will come full circle . . . in God's time and way. Heath loves business stuff and longs to see it done supernaturally, yet has never been part of business done this way. He desires to be around more like minded men/women who can teach him how. He feels the last few months have been striving to make it happen verses allowing the Holy Spirit to move it (hence the fast). It can be exhausting to continually live from day to day, week to week, or generous gift to the next generous gift. Part of his business endeavors were designed in hopes to give us a little financial breathing room. He knows it has to be about dependence on God and being connected to other people. And, he knows deep within his heart that he is called to preach the gospel. . . overtly. Neither of us feel like his work, time, effort, or money put into Covert Purpose is wasted or lost or that he's giving it up to go in a completely different direction. All of this has better equipped Heath and I to see individuals freed up to radically obey the Lord. Heath's heart is for people to become debt free so they can "more easily" go where the Lord directs.
For me, I felt the whole time that Heath needed to pursue this avenue as hard as he could and as far as the Lord would let him. I haven't really been concerned about whether or not it was what we were ultimately supposed to do, because I don't see life as finding the one thing we're supposed to do and then buckling down for the rest of our lives to do it. (Our "one thing" is loving, worshiping and co-laboring with Jesus. Other than that, our "one thing" is playing out in many avenues and venues throughout our lives.) A couple months ago, when I asked the Lord if we were on or off target, the Lord said, "You're on target, just not the bulls eye. But it won't take anything for me to make the arrow hit the bullseye." After that, I have had complete peace that even if we were a bit "off" we were "on" because Jesus could just send the "wind" and we'd be on target! Maybe this is the "Wind."
Last bit of craziness: Because of moving in 4 months, Heath has not had peace about trying to establish the business here. That means he is backing away from Covert for awhile. This gave him a lot of mind and physical time that he wasn't sure what to do with. We had our prayer team pray with us and Heath decided that getting a job for the next four months is the best option for lots of reasons. Short of the long of it is that he is back at Griffith Farms (his former job)! His boss was excited to have his help for the next few months, Heath is excited to have a paycheck for the next few months, and I am excited to have a few months of normal schedule again!!!!! (Heath at home = no set schedule!!)
SO, that is the new crazy direction we are moving. We are at peace and are very excited. . . even the kids!
As always, pray that our eyes are locked on Jesus, not on the impossibilities of everything in our path.
Blessings in your own journey.
emie for the Lockes
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Crazy Journey
Some of you already know this wild news but here's for those who don't. This is the short of it. I'll get the words together to share how it all came about as soon as I quit spinning.
The Locke family is moving . . . again. As of right now, we are heading to Redding, CA at the end of June. As always, this is subject to change. Surprisingly, I'm completely on board because Jesus gently prepared my heart! He's so kind to me. More on that later.
Heath is back at his 9 to 5 job until we move!! Believe it or not, this one has been harder for me to swallow than moving! Call me crazy. I should be jumping up and down for joy that we have a steady paycheck for the next 4 months but I'm not! Shhh. Don't tell anyone! The bottom line is that I am NOT good at quick decisions that result in a dramatic change of plans (contrary to what it may appear). Being married to a visionary has taught me how to get ready for a change in a few days vs a few months! Even so, l'm not very good at changing up the plan in a few minutes! This flip came within twenty minutes and I was caught off guard. (Yes, I am a type A, planner! No surprise parties for me please!)
In no way do I think he shouldn't be back at his job until we move. My brain is simply adjusting . . . still. And in a couple days, I'll settle into this transition and be happy, just in time to get ready for the next transition of moving! Three days into having Heath out of the house consistently has brought great routine back to our school days! THAT has helped this schedule loving, homeschooling momma embrace this change of direction more quickly than I may have!
This is the life of a type A wife of a visionary. And that's an entirely different post!
The Locke family is moving . . . again. As of right now, we are heading to Redding, CA at the end of June. As always, this is subject to change. Surprisingly, I'm completely on board because Jesus gently prepared my heart! He's so kind to me. More on that later.
Heath is back at his 9 to 5 job until we move!! Believe it or not, this one has been harder for me to swallow than moving! Call me crazy. I should be jumping up and down for joy that we have a steady paycheck for the next 4 months but I'm not! Shhh. Don't tell anyone! The bottom line is that I am NOT good at quick decisions that result in a dramatic change of plans (contrary to what it may appear). Being married to a visionary has taught me how to get ready for a change in a few days vs a few months! Even so, l'm not very good at changing up the plan in a few minutes! This flip came within twenty minutes and I was caught off guard. (Yes, I am a type A, planner! No surprise parties for me please!)
In no way do I think he shouldn't be back at his job until we move. My brain is simply adjusting . . . still. And in a couple days, I'll settle into this transition and be happy, just in time to get ready for the next transition of moving! Three days into having Heath out of the house consistently has brought great routine back to our school days! THAT has helped this schedule loving, homeschooling momma embrace this change of direction more quickly than I may have!
This is the life of a type A wife of a visionary. And that's an entirely different post!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
God is Provider
I have many stories of the amazing ways God has provided for us since Heath quit his job Jan 8th. I'm not sure if it's because there are so many stories or that there are so many transitions in our lives that I can't keep up. We made it to the end of February with empty cupboards but not empty stomachs. It's amazing what you can make with flour, sugar, oil and a bit of protein! Felt like I was back in Africa, squeezing out every ounce of creativity from my cooking brain! When we can't buy convenient packaged food, preparation takes 10 times longer (really I'm sure it does! I'll keep track next time)!
We ended the month with $2.77 to our name. I was at peace the entire month, even as we got down to 2 diapers, the last bit of milk, and the last load of laundry. But the moment it hit March 1st, I was in a bit of a panic. Hence the posts about defeating the worry monster! We didn't know how March was going to be covered, but Jesus had told me it would be (not to mention the promises in Scripture I was freshly encouraged by).
Within an hour of receiving the revelation of Luke 12:32 on March 1st and coming to true faith and peace about God's nature of providing, someone called saying they were sending $100 Walmart card in the mail. Within an hour of that, our ministry covering called and said we had a small amount in our ministry account. He asked if we wanted it deposited in our checking account! THANK YOU JESUS!! Again, it appeared to be last second, but God is never late.
Bills until the 15th (except for rent), food, gas and getting our taxes done was covered. I was at peace and Heath was up and down about it all. Jesus kept telling him, "Just wait. You'll see." This week we got the results of our tax return and it is the "you'll see!" We are in shock, awe, and thanksgiving as this is the biggest tax return we have ever gotten since we've been married. Breathing room. THANK YOU, JESUS!
There is so much more to share, but long posts rarely get read. I know. I hope at least one person in need is encouraged by God's Providing Nature. He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. He is the same for me and for you. He IS Jehovah Jireh, the Provider. He cannot go against his very nature. He is faithful and you CAN put your trust in Him. Praying for your provision. Blessings.
We ended the month with $2.77 to our name. I was at peace the entire month, even as we got down to 2 diapers, the last bit of milk, and the last load of laundry. But the moment it hit March 1st, I was in a bit of a panic. Hence the posts about defeating the worry monster! We didn't know how March was going to be covered, but Jesus had told me it would be (not to mention the promises in Scripture I was freshly encouraged by).
Within an hour of receiving the revelation of Luke 12:32 on March 1st and coming to true faith and peace about God's nature of providing, someone called saying they were sending $100 Walmart card in the mail. Within an hour of that, our ministry covering called and said we had a small amount in our ministry account. He asked if we wanted it deposited in our checking account! THANK YOU JESUS!! Again, it appeared to be last second, but God is never late.
Bills until the 15th (except for rent), food, gas and getting our taxes done was covered. I was at peace and Heath was up and down about it all. Jesus kept telling him, "Just wait. You'll see." This week we got the results of our tax return and it is the "you'll see!" We are in shock, awe, and thanksgiving as this is the biggest tax return we have ever gotten since we've been married. Breathing room. THANK YOU, JESUS!
There is so much more to share, but long posts rarely get read. I know. I hope at least one person in need is encouraged by God's Providing Nature. He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. He is the same for me and for you. He IS Jehovah Jireh, the Provider. He cannot go against his very nature. He is faithful and you CAN put your trust in Him. Praying for your provision. Blessings.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Personal revelation on defeating the worry monster!
Yesterday afternoon I was trying to figure out the key to not worrying. I was going over Phil 4 in my mind, "Don't worry -- pray -- tell God what we need -- thank Him for all he has done." And though I can't say I was in full fledged worry (and believe me, I know what that feels like), I could feel the worry monster trying to plow down the entrance gate of my peaceful garden. Philippians wasn't really workin' for me!
It wasn't until after dinner when Heath read me Luke 12:22 (on my last post) that the revelation came. I didn't see it at first but kept feeling like the answers I needed were in that section of Scripture. I kept going over it, meditating, reading, thinking.
I pondered, "We know we are making the Kingdom of heaven our primary concern so we know God will give us all we need from day to day (vs31)." Yet, I knew the key was still bigger than this verse. I needed it to be bigger for me than simply the reality of God's provision. Silly me.
Then I read verse 32: "So don't be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom."
AHH HAA!! That's it! This is my key. God is Jehovah Jireh, my provider, your provider. It's a done deal. He provides simply because that is His character and He cannot deny His own character. HE IS PROVIDER. It may give him some pleasure to simply BE who He is. Or it may be that providing is old hat. He IS Provider, He'll always BE Provider and that's just the facts, ladies and gentlemen. It's like feeding my kids. I feed them 3 meals plus 2 snacks every day. That's roughly 140 times a month I am feeding my kids. And believe me, I'm not jumping for joy every time I go to the kitchen to give them what they need to survive. I don't hate it or despise doing it, it's just that providing them food is part of who I am as their mom, what I do, my job. It's what they expect and never question. It doesn't bring me any unusual sort of happiness to feed them 140 times a month!
But verse 32 tells us of something Abba wants to give us, not because He "has to" but because He WANTS TO! If I can just rest in the reality and surety of His provision, then I get to pursue and be given something of far greater worth and value than simply clothes, food, diapers, and laundry soap. I GET THE KINGDOM!!!!! Not only does my Abba want to give me a phenomenal gift . . the Kingdom, but it gives Him GREAT HAPPINESS to give it to me!! So I get the Kingdom and the pleasure of making my Abba happy!! Truly nothing could be greater than this.
This is the cure to worry. Seek the Kingdom, ask for the Kingdom, and receive the Kingdom. Then take the Kingdom to your sphere of influence! Wow Lord, THIS is what I long for! This is what I choose to fill my thoughts with today! Thank you for the Spirit of wisdom and revelation!
It wasn't until after dinner when Heath read me Luke 12:22 (on my last post) that the revelation came. I didn't see it at first but kept feeling like the answers I needed were in that section of Scripture. I kept going over it, meditating, reading, thinking.
I pondered, "We know we are making the Kingdom of heaven our primary concern so we know God will give us all we need from day to day (vs31)." Yet, I knew the key was still bigger than this verse. I needed it to be bigger for me than simply the reality of God's provision. Silly me.
Then I read verse 32: "So don't be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom."
AHH HAA!! That's it! This is my key. God is Jehovah Jireh, my provider, your provider. It's a done deal. He provides simply because that is His character and He cannot deny His own character. HE IS PROVIDER. It may give him some pleasure to simply BE who He is. Or it may be that providing is old hat. He IS Provider, He'll always BE Provider and that's just the facts, ladies and gentlemen. It's like feeding my kids. I feed them 3 meals plus 2 snacks every day. That's roughly 140 times a month I am feeding my kids. And believe me, I'm not jumping for joy every time I go to the kitchen to give them what they need to survive. I don't hate it or despise doing it, it's just that providing them food is part of who I am as their mom, what I do, my job. It's what they expect and never question. It doesn't bring me any unusual sort of happiness to feed them 140 times a month!
But verse 32 tells us of something Abba wants to give us, not because He "has to" but because He WANTS TO! If I can just rest in the reality and surety of His provision, then I get to pursue and be given something of far greater worth and value than simply clothes, food, diapers, and laundry soap. I GET THE KINGDOM!!!!! Not only does my Abba want to give me a phenomenal gift . . the Kingdom, but it gives Him GREAT HAPPINESS to give it to me!! So I get the Kingdom and the pleasure of making my Abba happy!! Truly nothing could be greater than this.
This is the cure to worry. Seek the Kingdom, ask for the Kingdom, and receive the Kingdom. Then take the Kingdom to your sphere of influence! Wow Lord, THIS is what I long for! This is what I choose to fill my thoughts with today! Thank you for the Spirit of wisdom and revelation!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Verses of the Day- Can I take this one literal?!! :-)
Luke 12:22-34 [Familiar but WORTH the read!]
Then turning to his disciples, Jesus said, "So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life -- whether you have enough food to eat or clothes to wear [diapers for the 2 year old, laundry soap, or gas to get to 4-H]. For life consists of far more than food and clothing. Look at the ravens. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not! And if worry can't do little things like that, what's the use of worrying over bigger things?
"Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith! And don't worry about food -- what to eat and drink. Don't worry whether God will provide it for you. These things dominate the thoughts of most people, but your Father already knows your needs. He will give you all you need from day to day [that's the part that really gets at me!] if you make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.
"So don't be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom.
"Sell what you have and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven! And the purses of heaven have no holes in them. Your treasure will be safe -- no thief can steal it and no moth can destroy it. Wherever your treasure is, there your heart and thoughts will also be."
Then turning to his disciples, Jesus said, "So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life -- whether you have enough food to eat or clothes to wear [diapers for the 2 year old, laundry soap, or gas to get to 4-H]. For life consists of far more than food and clothing. Look at the ravens. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not! And if worry can't do little things like that, what's the use of worrying over bigger things?
"Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith! And don't worry about food -- what to eat and drink. Don't worry whether God will provide it for you. These things dominate the thoughts of most people, but your Father already knows your needs. He will give you all you need from day to day [that's the part that really gets at me!] if you make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.
"So don't be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom.
"Sell what you have and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven! And the purses of heaven have no holes in them. Your treasure will be safe -- no thief can steal it and no moth can destroy it. Wherever your treasure is, there your heart and thoughts will also be."
___________________________________
There is so much in these verses that speak directly to my heart today. I'm so glad it gives the Father great happiness to give me the Kingdom! And today, I'm really glad to know that he knows all my needs and I don't need to think about them. All I really want is the Kingdom, but when I have needs that seem to be looming, do I still only want the Kingdom? Yes, Lord, I want your Kingdom more than diapers, food, and laundry soap! Jesus, I WANT YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Leaping Update
Our leaping looks so individual this time. The things I am feeling and experiencing are very different from what Heath is experiencing. In other leap years, we were wrestling through similar emotions and issues with the Lord. Updating is hard because of this disparity. And as I shared on a recent post, I am apprehensive to share stories that aren't my own, even if it is my husband's! Here's a go at my own perspective of the last few weeks.
I have a deep sense of peace through most of my days. It seems to me the lessons the Lord is driving deeper into my spirit and soul are:
1. BELIEVING HIM. He has spoken very clearly about things I can believe Him for in Scripture, through prophetic words, and to my spirit. He simply wants me to believe him and act on that belief.
2. PERSEVERING. As I have posted several times, perseverance seems to be key. I believe Jesus really cares that we are capable of persevering and not backing down when it looks like all might be lost or we will crash in a moment. It goes back to believing. If I believe Him, I can persevere. If I doubt who my Jesus is for me and what He has said to me, then I will not have the strength within myself to persevere in the face of near disaster. I will hold on to the fact that this perseverance is producing godliness that pleases Jesus.
3. PEACE THAT SURPASSES UNDERSTANDING. As in Phil 4:6-7, I am being trained once again to "not worry about ANYTHING. Instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
4. LIVING SIMPLY. I don't think our family could ever be accused of living extravagantly here in the US. But in comparison with those we love and ministered to in Africa, we have lived in great abundance this past year and a half. Once again, we are being reminded of the great amount of excess we have. Every time we are in this place, I am astounded by how much we can get by without. I want to be able to say with Paul all the days of my life, "Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need." (Phil 4:11-13)
5. JOY IN THE SMALL THINGS: I feel like this time of waiting on God is helping me appreciate little things like the oranges off our one orange tree, the beauty of the farm land around us, homemade chocolate chip cookies, the humor in my kids, and people the Lord prompts to encourage me.
It's a journey. Sometimes I am experiencing all of the above in all its difficult simplicity. Other times, I'm drowning in the difficulty of these simple things wishing for things more tangible . . . like money in the bank and signed contracts rather than good connections and prophetic promises!
There's the go at my summary. It looks so nice and neat in paragraph form. Maybe that's why I write. . . to make messy things feel nice and neat! Goodnight,
I have a deep sense of peace through most of my days. It seems to me the lessons the Lord is driving deeper into my spirit and soul are:
1. BELIEVING HIM. He has spoken very clearly about things I can believe Him for in Scripture, through prophetic words, and to my spirit. He simply wants me to believe him and act on that belief.
2. PERSEVERING. As I have posted several times, perseverance seems to be key. I believe Jesus really cares that we are capable of persevering and not backing down when it looks like all might be lost or we will crash in a moment. It goes back to believing. If I believe Him, I can persevere. If I doubt who my Jesus is for me and what He has said to me, then I will not have the strength within myself to persevere in the face of near disaster. I will hold on to the fact that this perseverance is producing godliness that pleases Jesus.
3. PEACE THAT SURPASSES UNDERSTANDING. As in Phil 4:6-7, I am being trained once again to "not worry about ANYTHING. Instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
4. LIVING SIMPLY. I don't think our family could ever be accused of living extravagantly here in the US. But in comparison with those we love and ministered to in Africa, we have lived in great abundance this past year and a half. Once again, we are being reminded of the great amount of excess we have. Every time we are in this place, I am astounded by how much we can get by without. I want to be able to say with Paul all the days of my life, "Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need." (Phil 4:11-13)
5. JOY IN THE SMALL THINGS: I feel like this time of waiting on God is helping me appreciate little things like the oranges off our one orange tree, the beauty of the farm land around us, homemade chocolate chip cookies, the humor in my kids, and people the Lord prompts to encourage me.
It's a journey. Sometimes I am experiencing all of the above in all its difficult simplicity. Other times, I'm drowning in the difficulty of these simple things wishing for things more tangible . . . like money in the bank and signed contracts rather than good connections and prophetic promises!
There's the go at my summary. It looks so nice and neat in paragraph form. Maybe that's why I write. . . to make messy things feel nice and neat! Goodnight,
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Got perseverance?
James 1:2-4
. . . when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.
This is a familiar passage that is my tutor right now! Jesus evidently believes that perseverance is a terribly important quality to possess! Recently, I was reading biographies of Hudson Taylor and George Mueller and meditating on our past experiences of leaping off cliffs. I was slightly frustrated that the Lord continually seems to be pleased to make those who jump off cliffs wait for His answers until the last possible second before they hit bottom! "WHY?!! When your resources are glorious and unlimited, why do you make it a habit of seemingly withholding until near disaster?" Truly, I've been asking this question.
And today, as I was reading Scripture, I was given the answer. He values the characteristic of perseverance. He would rather that I am "strong in character and ready for anything" than that I have everything I need, the moment it seems I need it. Hmmm. Ok, Jesus. I will have everything I need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). I am seeking the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, so I know that all "these things" are being and will be added unto me. BUT, there is a bit of a delay between the need and the answer. And this delay is a purposeful delay. If you have asked the Lord for something you know is in His heart for you, or if you have promises of God yet unfulfilled, maybe you are in the perseverance development stage?! If you are in the midst of this development, the verses below may encourage you. . . or cause you to want to throw a shoe through your computer screen! I don't recommend the latter! :-) We can't afford to give up. . . no matter how long we have been waiting on God. He will not disappoint. So join me today in persevering with joy in the knowledge of what it is developing within us.
2 Peter 1:6
". . . patient endurance leads to godliness."
I Peter 1:7
"These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold - and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world."
Romans 5:3-5
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us - they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation. And this expectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."
Hebrews 10:36
"Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised."
Hebrews 12:1-2
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with perseverance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. He was willing to die a shameful death on the cross because of the joy he knew would be his afterward. Now he is seated in the place of highest honor beside God's throne in heaven."
. . . when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.
This is a familiar passage that is my tutor right now! Jesus evidently believes that perseverance is a terribly important quality to possess! Recently, I was reading biographies of Hudson Taylor and George Mueller and meditating on our past experiences of leaping off cliffs. I was slightly frustrated that the Lord continually seems to be pleased to make those who jump off cliffs wait for His answers until the last possible second before they hit bottom! "WHY?!! When your resources are glorious and unlimited, why do you make it a habit of seemingly withholding until near disaster?" Truly, I've been asking this question.
And today, as I was reading Scripture, I was given the answer. He values the characteristic of perseverance. He would rather that I am "strong in character and ready for anything" than that I have everything I need, the moment it seems I need it. Hmmm. Ok, Jesus. I will have everything I need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). I am seeking the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, so I know that all "these things" are being and will be added unto me. BUT, there is a bit of a delay between the need and the answer. And this delay is a purposeful delay. If you have asked the Lord for something you know is in His heart for you, or if you have promises of God yet unfulfilled, maybe you are in the perseverance development stage?! If you are in the midst of this development, the verses below may encourage you. . . or cause you to want to throw a shoe through your computer screen! I don't recommend the latter! :-) We can't afford to give up. . . no matter how long we have been waiting on God. He will not disappoint. So join me today in persevering with joy in the knowledge of what it is developing within us.
2 Peter 1:6
". . . patient endurance leads to godliness."
I Peter 1:7
"These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold - and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world."
Romans 5:3-5
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us - they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation. And this expectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."
Hebrews 10:36
"Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised."
Hebrews 12:1-2
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with perseverance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. He was willing to die a shameful death on the cross because of the joy he knew would be his afterward. Now he is seated in the place of highest honor beside God's throne in heaven."
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Very Personal Part of My Journey
I have journaled faithfully since high school. Occasionally, on a day of rest and reflection, I will take my journals of the last few years and read through them. Last June, I had two days by myself and I read. I'm going to copy a section out of my journal from that day because it has great significance upon our Leap Year.
-------------
June 21, 2009
"A couple things keep going through my mind as I think about all that I wrote in previous years and all that You have said. I am sad about some reoccurring issues that I continue to battle with over the years even though You continue to lovingly, patiently, speak truth and life into the areas. I have obviously not fully embraced in my thinking and actions the words of life and truth You speak to me. I know You have so much in store for me and my marriage and my family. I am tired of reading the record of my doubt and despair in the face of Your faithful promises and beautiful, available Holy Spirit. I vow before You now, to BELIEVE, EMBRACE, and LIVE OUT the truths You have spoken to me over and over concerning these 3 particular areas of my life. I have wasted too much time on obsessing, worrying, planning, fearing, flogging myself, etc. NO MORE! The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but YOU have come to give LIFE ABUNDANTLY.
[The 3 areas are my self image, my parenting struggles, and faith in God's provision. Today I am only going to record the resolve connected to God's provision since it directly correlates with our Leap Year. Maybe I will post the other 2 resolutions another time. I know I'm not alone in these battles.]
3. PROVISION. I wonder how many times I have to be in that place of need and then You miraculously provide before I truly own the TRUTH that YOU PROVIDE ALL MY NEEDS according to Your riches in glory! I am so tired of reading of my double-mindedness. I am tired of reading the record of my doubt and fear when we are being stretched. I have SEVENTEEN YEARS of testimony after testimony of how You have provided time and time again. Yet, it seems that still-when I am at the wall, I cower in fear, not stand in great expectation of what You will do! Oh Jesus, I repent for my unbelief. I repent for living as a fearful beggar outside the palace walls rather than living as Your bride in my chamber. I repent of living in fear of You forgetting us or leaving us when all You ever do proves over and over how much you love us and LOVE to provide for us! I choose, this day forward, to walk confidently in the knowledge of Your provision that is always at hand to be delivered to us in the right moment. Thank you, Abba.
So I guess ultimately, I am choosing to walk in the opposite direction of fear and anxiety for these 3 issues that seem to keep me living in some state of fear or anxiety or tension constantly. I relinquish it and CHOOSE LIFE. I choose peace, I choose believing YOUR WORDS and YOU! I love You!"
----------
As for how this relates to the now? Well, on my day of rest and reflecting this past Sunday, I reread this resolve and was convicted to the core! Not too many posts ago, I was at the wall and cowering once again. NO MORE! You know the rolling boil that I wrote about? Well, I turned the heat off. I'm not boiling anymore. I am CHOOSING TO BELIEVE that God is going to come through and meet all our needs. I can't tell you the peace and joy that has come since Sunday and being reminded of this resolution. I BELIEVE GOD IS GOING TO PROVIDE FOR US! I DO! Maybe tomorrow I will struggle, but someone please remind me of this resolve when I do! I KNOW what God has spoken to us. I spent SEVEN HOURS on Sunday transcribing His words to our family from the last 6 months! I KNOW what He is saying to us! Now I choose to EMBRACE IT and take the action steps to prove it. Here we go God! There's nothing better than believing You!
-------------
June 21, 2009
"A couple things keep going through my mind as I think about all that I wrote in previous years and all that You have said. I am sad about some reoccurring issues that I continue to battle with over the years even though You continue to lovingly, patiently, speak truth and life into the areas. I have obviously not fully embraced in my thinking and actions the words of life and truth You speak to me. I know You have so much in store for me and my marriage and my family. I am tired of reading the record of my doubt and despair in the face of Your faithful promises and beautiful, available Holy Spirit. I vow before You now, to BELIEVE, EMBRACE, and LIVE OUT the truths You have spoken to me over and over concerning these 3 particular areas of my life. I have wasted too much time on obsessing, worrying, planning, fearing, flogging myself, etc. NO MORE! The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but YOU have come to give LIFE ABUNDANTLY.
[The 3 areas are my self image, my parenting struggles, and faith in God's provision. Today I am only going to record the resolve connected to God's provision since it directly correlates with our Leap Year. Maybe I will post the other 2 resolutions another time. I know I'm not alone in these battles.]
3. PROVISION. I wonder how many times I have to be in that place of need and then You miraculously provide before I truly own the TRUTH that YOU PROVIDE ALL MY NEEDS according to Your riches in glory! I am so tired of reading of my double-mindedness. I am tired of reading the record of my doubt and fear when we are being stretched. I have SEVENTEEN YEARS of testimony after testimony of how You have provided time and time again. Yet, it seems that still-when I am at the wall, I cower in fear, not stand in great expectation of what You will do! Oh Jesus, I repent for my unbelief. I repent for living as a fearful beggar outside the palace walls rather than living as Your bride in my chamber. I repent of living in fear of You forgetting us or leaving us when all You ever do proves over and over how much you love us and LOVE to provide for us! I choose, this day forward, to walk confidently in the knowledge of Your provision that is always at hand to be delivered to us in the right moment. Thank you, Abba.
So I guess ultimately, I am choosing to walk in the opposite direction of fear and anxiety for these 3 issues that seem to keep me living in some state of fear or anxiety or tension constantly. I relinquish it and CHOOSE LIFE. I choose peace, I choose believing YOUR WORDS and YOU! I love You!"
----------
As for how this relates to the now? Well, on my day of rest and reflecting this past Sunday, I reread this resolve and was convicted to the core! Not too many posts ago, I was at the wall and cowering once again. NO MORE! You know the rolling boil that I wrote about? Well, I turned the heat off. I'm not boiling anymore. I am CHOOSING TO BELIEVE that God is going to come through and meet all our needs. I can't tell you the peace and joy that has come since Sunday and being reminded of this resolution. I BELIEVE GOD IS GOING TO PROVIDE FOR US! I DO! Maybe tomorrow I will struggle, but someone please remind me of this resolve when I do! I KNOW what God has spoken to us. I spent SEVEN HOURS on Sunday transcribing His words to our family from the last 6 months! I KNOW what He is saying to us! Now I choose to EMBRACE IT and take the action steps to prove it. Here we go God! There's nothing better than believing You!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Parked Cars and Targets
You don't have to steer a parked car. It isn't going anywhere. It doesn't need direction. But if the car is in motion, we all hope someone is at the wheel! Many of us have heard the phrase, "God can't steer a parked car!" Cute. Cliche. But very applicable to our lives right now. We KNOW God has many things in store for us as individuals, as a couple and as a family. If we stay parked, we won't get there. That's why we're in drive again. We WANT God to steer us wherever He wants to take us. We WANT to go! We WANT to get there. Because He has the map and He is in the drivers seat, we don't have a lot of details about where we're going. But we have total peace because we are GOING! And at the bottom line is a core belief that Heath and I hold: If you are loving and serving the Living God, then He doesn't care that much what you "do" in the in between time! Yes, there are times we will absolutely KNOW what we are supposed to do and to not do it is disobedience. But more often than not, we don't really know an exact route. Our hearts are simply longing in a certain direction. We have a solid belief that these are more often than not, longings and desires given by God. We believe God is pleased when we pursue the things in our heart when He is the primary longing of our lives.
Neither Heath nor I feel like the "reason" we are moving forward again will be the end all. Yes, Heath has been working diligently on getting his business off the ground. But as of the last couple weeks, we are realizing that these ideas may partially be God's way of getting us into drive again! It may or may not have much to do with the next part of our journey. Last weekend I was asking the Lord if we were going in the right direction. I heard him say, "You are on target, but it may not be the bulls eye." I'm ok with that. I have total peace because I know that if we are shooting at the right target, Jesus can "blow" in our direction and the arrow can be directed to the bulls eye. If we are in drive and He is in the drivers seat, He can steer us down the right road.
And we're determined to have fun doing it! :-)
Neither Heath nor I feel like the "reason" we are moving forward again will be the end all. Yes, Heath has been working diligently on getting his business off the ground. But as of the last couple weeks, we are realizing that these ideas may partially be God's way of getting us into drive again! It may or may not have much to do with the next part of our journey. Last weekend I was asking the Lord if we were going in the right direction. I heard him say, "You are on target, but it may not be the bulls eye." I'm ok with that. I have total peace because I know that if we are shooting at the right target, Jesus can "blow" in our direction and the arrow can be directed to the bulls eye. If we are in drive and He is in the drivers seat, He can steer us down the right road.
And we're determined to have fun doing it! :-)
Monday, January 11, 2010
Livng By Faith . . . What does that REALLY mean?
Living by faith. . . the act of KNOWING what God has spoken (through His Scriptures, His Spirit to our spirit, or through prophetic words or acts), BELIEVING those words with such wholeheartedness that it propels one to LIVE OUT a demonstration of utter confidence and belief in the character and words of God! ~emie locke's definition of "living by faith"
Without faith it is impossible to please God.
The righteous shall live by faith.
Therefore since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Take up the shield of faith, which can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Pursue a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith.
If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Classic illustrations:
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade! Jones has his father's journal with the map and instructions to the holy grail. He makes it through all these tests and comes to a deep chasm with no apparent crossing. In the journal, the father has made it clear that there is an invisible bridge over the chasm. It was a test of faith! Would he believe his father's words and take the step into the invisible?
Someone writes me a check for $500. I have faith that this check is good so I take action to prove it. The next day I deposit it in my account and go shopping. I received it, believed it was good for what it was written for, and acted upon it. That is what we need to do with God's words to us. We need to know what He is offering us and speaking to us (concerning every area of our life). We need to deposit it into our own account and then take some action steps to prove that it's really there. Some won't even take the check because they don't believe it's legit. Many take the check, but in practice rip it up or put it in their wallet and never deposit it. Too many never spend what is theirs to spend.
BOTTOM LINE: LIVING BY FAITH is NOT about being a missionary or someone supported by other people. In fact, I know from personal experience that I could be "living by faith" according to the modern definition of a "missionary on support" and have virtually no true faith at all in the provision of God Almighty. And I know COUNTLESS people who have had a steady paycheck their whole lives who KNOW WHAT GOD IS SAYING, ARE EMBRACING IT WHOLEHEARTEDLY, and LIVING IT OUT EVERY DAY as homemakers, businessmen, policemen, packing house managers, project managers, salesmen, accountants, students, teachers, the whole gamut. And though I'm back to talking about faith in the area of our finances, I really mean that we need faith for ALL OF LIFE. LIVING BY FAITH is all encompassing and everyone who loves Jesus is to be one who lives by faith in the words and character of God, the God who is still speaking to us today! Without faith, it is impossible to please God.
Without faith it is impossible to please God.
The righteous shall live by faith.
Therefore since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Take up the shield of faith, which can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Pursue a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith.
If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Classic illustrations:
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade! Jones has his father's journal with the map and instructions to the holy grail. He makes it through all these tests and comes to a deep chasm with no apparent crossing. In the journal, the father has made it clear that there is an invisible bridge over the chasm. It was a test of faith! Would he believe his father's words and take the step into the invisible?
Someone writes me a check for $500. I have faith that this check is good so I take action to prove it. The next day I deposit it in my account and go shopping. I received it, believed it was good for what it was written for, and acted upon it. That is what we need to do with God's words to us. We need to know what He is offering us and speaking to us (concerning every area of our life). We need to deposit it into our own account and then take some action steps to prove that it's really there. Some won't even take the check because they don't believe it's legit. Many take the check, but in practice rip it up or put it in their wallet and never deposit it. Too many never spend what is theirs to spend.
BOTTOM LINE: LIVING BY FAITH is NOT about being a missionary or someone supported by other people. In fact, I know from personal experience that I could be "living by faith" according to the modern definition of a "missionary on support" and have virtually no true faith at all in the provision of God Almighty. And I know COUNTLESS people who have had a steady paycheck their whole lives who KNOW WHAT GOD IS SAYING, ARE EMBRACING IT WHOLEHEARTEDLY, and LIVING IT OUT EVERY DAY as homemakers, businessmen, policemen, packing house managers, project managers, salesmen, accountants, students, teachers, the whole gamut. And though I'm back to talking about faith in the area of our finances, I really mean that we need faith for ALL OF LIFE. LIVING BY FAITH is all encompassing and everyone who loves Jesus is to be one who lives by faith in the words and character of God, the God who is still speaking to us today! Without faith, it is impossible to please God.
Friday, January 8, 2010
My Amazing Man
I just want to brag on my wonderful hubby for a bit. Today was his last day at his job. He had the privilege of sharing some of his heart, our journey, and the direction we are headed. But the best part of his goodbye luncheon was the encouragement he received from his co-workers about his character, his presence, his influence in the office. He was faithful to impact his environment with the Kingdom of God and people won't be the same because of it! THANK YOU HEATH, for being a man of integrity and for living authentic Christianity whether you are a traditional pastor, missionary or layman. The credibility of your life increases with every new area the Lord puts you in and I am thrilled to be your wife, your co-laborer, your friend, your partner. I'm so proud of you. You arise and shine for the glory of the Lord is upon you (Isaiah 60:1). I'm behind you all the way, babe.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Pedastle or Laughingstock?
This post is an effort to clear up any misunderstanding that we may have a very naive idea of what people are "really" thinking about our insane journey! There are a few of you who may try and build a little pedestal for us to be placed upon, as I discussed in the last post. And, as I said there, that is one of my greatest fears in sharing our journey. On the other hand, we are very aware that a large majority of our family and friends think us very foolish for our unexplainable actions that we label "faith" and "obedience!" The thing is, I'm not afraid of that perspective at all. In fact, I expect it! Scripture tells me to be ready for it! And we've had enough experience to prove it will, in fact, come.
I Cor. 1:26-29
Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world's eyes, or powerful, or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, so that no one can ever boast in the presence of God."
I Cor 5:13-15
"If it seems that we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit. Whatever we do, it is because Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for everyone, we also believe that we have all died to the old life we used to live. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live to please themselves. Instead, they will live to please Christ, who died and was raised for them."
We understand that our ways seem foolish to many, especially in light of the world's economic status in the natural realm. But God lives in the SUPERnatural realm and calls us to live in that realm with Him. With Him is the peace that SURPASSES our understanding.
Some of you struggle with our description of "living by faith." In fact, the other day, we were visiting friends. A friend of theirs was listening in on our craziness and when Heath said we were living by faith, his response reminded me of how many of you may feel. He said, "What do you mean . . .living by faith? You mean, I open my wallet?" We just laughed.
In case you struggle with that feeling or understanding of what is in our minds when we say "living by faith," let me attempt to explain what we really feel. It may appear that we are now depending on people to support us. And it is true, there will, most likely, be people who give gifts to us that will help to support us financially. But we are not looking to people to provide. That is why, under the "Isaiah's Stump" ministry covering, all donations we receive are anonymous. If you give us $10 or $10,000 we won't know. And we won't expect any more from you if you give one time or every month. We are seeing your gifts as from the hand of the Lord. We don't see you at all. And if you don't feel like giving to us ever or don't feel God is asking you to help us, we aren't going to question that AT ALL. We won't even ask you to reconsider. When I start freaking out about our finances, I'm not even tempted to think, "Oh, I hope so and so (our big donor) won't let us down this month!" We aren't asking for monthly pledges, we aren't even asking for you to help. Those who do, we believe, are prompted by the Holy Spirit.
[DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a knock on anyone who is with an organization that has to raise support, gain a support team or does not have the option of anonymous giving. We are only explaining our own experience and perspective.]
I'm not going to keep rambling. The long of the short of it is that we don't need your money. We aren't asking for your money. God has asked us to step out and be radical and HE has to come through for us once again! Some moments I'm sure He will. Other moments, I'm shaking in my boots, HOPING He will. In either instance, I'm not hoping you will give me money. And all in all, Heath is working very hard to eventually come to the place where he is making money. We believe God is leading him in this.
Once again, thanks for reading. Love and peace to you,
emie
I Cor. 1:26-29
Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world's eyes, or powerful, or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, so that no one can ever boast in the presence of God."
I Cor 5:13-15
"If it seems that we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit. Whatever we do, it is because Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for everyone, we also believe that we have all died to the old life we used to live. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live to please themselves. Instead, they will live to please Christ, who died and was raised for them."
We understand that our ways seem foolish to many, especially in light of the world's economic status in the natural realm. But God lives in the SUPERnatural realm and calls us to live in that realm with Him. With Him is the peace that SURPASSES our understanding.
Some of you struggle with our description of "living by faith." In fact, the other day, we were visiting friends. A friend of theirs was listening in on our craziness and when Heath said we were living by faith, his response reminded me of how many of you may feel. He said, "What do you mean . . .living by faith? You mean, I open my wallet?" We just laughed.
In case you struggle with that feeling or understanding of what is in our minds when we say "living by faith," let me attempt to explain what we really feel. It may appear that we are now depending on people to support us. And it is true, there will, most likely, be people who give gifts to us that will help to support us financially. But we are not looking to people to provide. That is why, under the "Isaiah's Stump" ministry covering, all donations we receive are anonymous. If you give us $10 or $10,000 we won't know. And we won't expect any more from you if you give one time or every month. We are seeing your gifts as from the hand of the Lord. We don't see you at all. And if you don't feel like giving to us ever or don't feel God is asking you to help us, we aren't going to question that AT ALL. We won't even ask you to reconsider. When I start freaking out about our finances, I'm not even tempted to think, "Oh, I hope so and so (our big donor) won't let us down this month!" We aren't asking for monthly pledges, we aren't even asking for you to help. Those who do, we believe, are prompted by the Holy Spirit.
[DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a knock on anyone who is with an organization that has to raise support, gain a support team or does not have the option of anonymous giving. We are only explaining our own experience and perspective.]
I'm not going to keep rambling. The long of the short of it is that we don't need your money. We aren't asking for your money. God has asked us to step out and be radical and HE has to come through for us once again! Some moments I'm sure He will. Other moments, I'm shaking in my boots, HOPING He will. In either instance, I'm not hoping you will give me money. And all in all, Heath is working very hard to eventually come to the place where he is making money. We believe God is leading him in this.
Once again, thanks for reading. Love and peace to you,
emie
Leaping looks like THIS
One of my greatest fears in sharing our crazy faith journey is that some of you might think we are something more than we are, a bit unreal, a bit untouchable, and thus putting us on a pedestal of some kind (however close to the ground it may be)! In an attempt to make sure you all remember we are just like you, maybe a bit more insane, I really want to share some of the ins and outs of leaping in faith. We can read "pretty, edited, neatly packaged" biographies of all the "greats" in the history of faith and they will inspire. But often we put it back on the shelf and think of them as super human. Of course God wouldn't ask plain ol' me to do something like that.
Well, I'm here to tell you that those biographies are EDITED!!! I am pretty sure that every one of those men and women of God walked the journey of ups and downs, wondering if they could really take one more step into the unknown without collapsing in fear or failure. They were REAL PEOPLE. And people, even the "greats," wrestle with very human issues. AND SO DO WE! Those of you close in proximity to us will have no problem believing me on this, I'm sure!! It's those who simply read of our journey that will be tempted to add a lot of fluff and flowers to the grit and grueling journey. So here are the last few days in a nutshell.
Since the day Heath heard the Lord on the timing of quitting his job, I have had SUPERNATURAL peace. I KNEW it was the Lord because only a week prior, I would freak out every time he mentioned feeling close to quitting time! I have had faith and joy in this leap like I didn't know I could. BUT, I never do very well maintaining peace, joy and love in transition! It typically takes me about 3 months before I feel like I can get back to living out what I know to be true in my spirit. So even though I was feeling great about it all, the day Heath resigned I felt like I was a full pot of water set on the stove and the burner turned on medium heat. I was still soaring with confidence but I could feel the heat slowly affecting the water! I felt the tingly bubbles preceding the boil. And I knew it was only a matter of days before I was a raging, boiling pot of water.
I put off paying the bills and balancing the check book because I knew it was going to instantly raise the heat to HIGH and the water, already quite warm, would take no time at all to hit the rolling boil. Sure enough, within minutes of paying the bills with our last full paycheck, the weight of the reality of no security of money coming in 2 weeks was more than I could handle at that moment. Tears flowed, tension rose and I was a mess. Questions flew at the Lord, "WHAT ARE WE DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HOW WILL WE MAKE IT? etc." Then the whining, "DON'T MAKE ME MOVE RIGHT NOW. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH PEOPLE AND IMPOSE OUR HUGE FAMILY ON ANYONE. I LIKE OUR LITTLE HOUSE. DON'T MAKE ABIEL QUIT BALLET. And on and on." It's actually quite awful to quit looking into the eyes of Jesus and focus on the circumstances around you, especially when you are falling in mid air! Heath came to my rescue and spoke truth to me until I could recenter my gaze on Jesus. But the water is boiling now and as far as I can tell, the heat won't be turned down any time soon.
Boiling water is not a pretty manifestation in me! All my old weak spots are at the surface. My tendencies to impatience, frustration and harsh words are at the precipice of my lips all day. Right on its heals are the nagging spirits of condemnation and shame to pounce on me the moment one of those harsh words slip through my lips. And yet, the second I pull back into Jesus, peace comes. It's kind of like Peter walking on water, I think. Peter said, "If it's You, Lord, ask me to come out to You." Sure enough, Jesus asked Him to come out. Most likely without much forethought, Peter jumped over the side of the boat with His eyes locked on Jesus' eyes and thrill of all thrills, he was walking on water. BUT WAIT! The waves, the wind, the spray of water in his face, and in a moment he was focused on the elements. blub blub blub. But for Jesus' strong arm to save. . . . "Oh you of little faith."
That's our journey. Heath asked, "If it's You, tell us to get out of the boat of comfort and security." Sure enough, Jesus says, "Come!" And truly without much forethought (or I'd have never agreed!!), we go leaping over the side of the boat! Thrilling for a moment when we walked on water and then the elements won over the gaze of my eyes. blub blub blub. And oh, but for the strong arm of Jesus, we will drown. But I LONG to be in the place where my eyes are drawn to nothing but the loving, perfect eyes of my Jesus, even while the water boils, the waves toss, or the fire rages (any analogy will do).
So pray. Pray that our gaze will be locked on Jesus' eyes. That is our one prayer request, truly. Scripture promises that if we seek first the Kingdom of God, ALL THE NEEDS OF LIFE will be added unto us. We know with all our hearts we are seeking the Kingdom of God. And so when our gaze is locked on the eyes of Jesus, we KNOW that everything we need will be added. It's when we quit looking at Jesus that we need you to pray for provision, direction, and the myriad of other "elements" pulling for our attention.
If you made it to this paragraph, thanks for reading all that! We love and need you in this journey. Blessings in your own journey!
Well, I'm here to tell you that those biographies are EDITED!!! I am pretty sure that every one of those men and women of God walked the journey of ups and downs, wondering if they could really take one more step into the unknown without collapsing in fear or failure. They were REAL PEOPLE. And people, even the "greats," wrestle with very human issues. AND SO DO WE! Those of you close in proximity to us will have no problem believing me on this, I'm sure!! It's those who simply read of our journey that will be tempted to add a lot of fluff and flowers to the grit and grueling journey. So here are the last few days in a nutshell.
Since the day Heath heard the Lord on the timing of quitting his job, I have had SUPERNATURAL peace. I KNEW it was the Lord because only a week prior, I would freak out every time he mentioned feeling close to quitting time! I have had faith and joy in this leap like I didn't know I could. BUT, I never do very well maintaining peace, joy and love in transition! It typically takes me about 3 months before I feel like I can get back to living out what I know to be true in my spirit. So even though I was feeling great about it all, the day Heath resigned I felt like I was a full pot of water set on the stove and the burner turned on medium heat. I was still soaring with confidence but I could feel the heat slowly affecting the water! I felt the tingly bubbles preceding the boil. And I knew it was only a matter of days before I was a raging, boiling pot of water.
I put off paying the bills and balancing the check book because I knew it was going to instantly raise the heat to HIGH and the water, already quite warm, would take no time at all to hit the rolling boil. Sure enough, within minutes of paying the bills with our last full paycheck, the weight of the reality of no security of money coming in 2 weeks was more than I could handle at that moment. Tears flowed, tension rose and I was a mess. Questions flew at the Lord, "WHAT ARE WE DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HOW WILL WE MAKE IT? etc." Then the whining, "DON'T MAKE ME MOVE RIGHT NOW. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH PEOPLE AND IMPOSE OUR HUGE FAMILY ON ANYONE. I LIKE OUR LITTLE HOUSE. DON'T MAKE ABIEL QUIT BALLET. And on and on." It's actually quite awful to quit looking into the eyes of Jesus and focus on the circumstances around you, especially when you are falling in mid air! Heath came to my rescue and spoke truth to me until I could recenter my gaze on Jesus. But the water is boiling now and as far as I can tell, the heat won't be turned down any time soon.
Boiling water is not a pretty manifestation in me! All my old weak spots are at the surface. My tendencies to impatience, frustration and harsh words are at the precipice of my lips all day. Right on its heals are the nagging spirits of condemnation and shame to pounce on me the moment one of those harsh words slip through my lips. And yet, the second I pull back into Jesus, peace comes. It's kind of like Peter walking on water, I think. Peter said, "If it's You, Lord, ask me to come out to You." Sure enough, Jesus asked Him to come out. Most likely without much forethought, Peter jumped over the side of the boat with His eyes locked on Jesus' eyes and thrill of all thrills, he was walking on water. BUT WAIT! The waves, the wind, the spray of water in his face, and in a moment he was focused on the elements. blub blub blub. But for Jesus' strong arm to save. . . . "Oh you of little faith."
That's our journey. Heath asked, "If it's You, tell us to get out of the boat of comfort and security." Sure enough, Jesus says, "Come!" And truly without much forethought (or I'd have never agreed!!), we go leaping over the side of the boat! Thrilling for a moment when we walked on water and then the elements won over the gaze of my eyes. blub blub blub. And oh, but for the strong arm of Jesus, we will drown. But I LONG to be in the place where my eyes are drawn to nothing but the loving, perfect eyes of my Jesus, even while the water boils, the waves toss, or the fire rages (any analogy will do).
So pray. Pray that our gaze will be locked on Jesus' eyes. That is our one prayer request, truly. Scripture promises that if we seek first the Kingdom of God, ALL THE NEEDS OF LIFE will be added unto us. We know with all our hearts we are seeking the Kingdom of God. And so when our gaze is locked on the eyes of Jesus, we KNOW that everything we need will be added. It's when we quit looking at Jesus that we need you to pray for provision, direction, and the myriad of other "elements" pulling for our attention.
If you made it to this paragraph, thanks for reading all that! We love and need you in this journey. Blessings in your own journey!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)