Color

Abiel and I went clothes shopping on Saturday.  GASP!  As we perused the first store. . . my lovely 13 year old snagged a couple of items to try on.  Black, grey, black and another shade of grey.  Hmmmm.  "Taking after your Mom, eh?  Maybe we need to explore some color today."

Our second stop provided our opportunity to explore color.  Mint green, jade green, bubble gum pink, banana yellow, fire orange, peachy peach, and of course one classy black to top it off.  I was so proud of Abiel.  :-)  Why does it get more and more difficult to branch out of our supposed "style" the older we get?  Argh.  But she did it. . . and so did I, for that matter .. . a little.  ;-)  I guess I could say "a lot" since it may be just as painful for a mom to let their first born daughter branch out as it is for herself!

"I look like a box of pastel paints exploded," she declared as she donned her favorite new outfit for the review of her Papa.  "Mama and I were exploring COLOR today!  What do you think?"

Let's just say, Heath passed with flying colors.  ;-)

I give you permission to appreciate color today.  ENJOY!

Enjoying Day 21 and 22

Day 21: I enjoyed dropping my children off with a friend who loves them dearly in order to have a date with my hubby! It is so wonderful to have people who love my kids and are willing to invest in them and love on them. It was fun to have time connecting and enjoying the man who helped make the kids I'm learning to enjoy! :-)

Day 22: I thoroughly enjoy Wednesday mornings when we wake up at Auntie Joni and Uncle Mike's house after Tuesday night prayer meetings. I love seeing my kids snuggle up with Uncle Mike and Auntie Joni and again, letting their love tanks get some filling from other special adults in their lives who love them and pour into them. It makes a momma's heart full!

So today, thank you to all the people who have loved our family so wonderfully. Thank you for being family to us and our children. We love you more than we can say.

Enjoying Day 19 and 20

Day 19: Yesterday I fully enjoyed watching and cheering on my children singing in their little Christmas program at church! All of my kids have some performer in them and it was so much fun to watch each of their personalities on stage: Ella, eating up the attention (afterward she said, "Mom, did you hear them all clapping?!"), Asher, just bopping to the beat and totally lost in the music, Judah, very seriously focused to make sure he got it all right, and Abiel, working the crowd with her great smile and eye contact. It was fun!

Day 20: Today, Heath took 3 of the kiddos on errands and that left Asher and me alone. We had a date in the house. He kept asking me if this was really a date and I continued to assure him that a date is 2 people enjoying time together alone. . . anywhere! I love Asher's laugh and he did plenty of it as we spent time watching a movie, wrapping Papa's presents, playing board games and doing puzzles (don't forget the 5 cookies and 3 kisses that he ate. . . it wouldn't be good if it didn't have sugar)!

Enjoying Day 17 and 18

Day 17: Yesterday I had the privilege of enjoying the thought of my children from afar! Heath is such an amazing husband. He tries to give me a day and night a month to retreat alone!! HAIL TO SUCH AWESOMENESS in my husband! I always leave frazzled and come home rejuvenated and ready to love wholeheartedly. So yesterday, I was enjoying thinking of who each of my children are. I can confirm the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," is actually true in the case of homeschooling mommy and children!

Day 18: Today I enjoyed holding Asher and Ella upon my return from neverland. I enjoy hearing them yell excitedly, "Momma's home!" I also thoroughly enjoyed a Christmas party with Abiel and Judah at the home of new friends from our school. I am not a party enthusiast but this was truly a delightful time.

Enjoying Day 15 and 16

Day 15: Yesterday I enjoyed bedtime with the kids. They had funny bedtime conversation as I drifted off to sleep!

Day 16: Today we enjoyed making sugar cookies together! I had planned to do this the other day but KNEW we were not in a place of enjoyment, so I bagged it. Today we were much more peaceful and ready to enjoy our Christmas cookie endeavor.

What I'm learning: I'm realizing that enjoying my children isn't necessarily doing anything different with them. It's simply a change in my focus, my perspective of the events and at times slowing down to actually enjoy the moment.

Enjoying Day 13 and 14

Day 13: Yesterday was a bit of a long day as we tried to do some school catch up from sick week. I was TIRED by the time Heath got home. We typically enjoy family time after dinner but last night, I needed some quiet time. We had "Room time" for the kids while Heath and I snuggled on the couch. As we snuggled, I enjoyed listening to my kids singing at the top of their lungs (a little out of frustration and antagonism at first) and then having it turn into creative making up songs together. I enjoy their creativity!

Day 14: Today was a much more peaceful day! I enjoyed doing Christmas projects with them for most of the morning while listening to Christmas stories and music. Now off to do some sugar cookies. Not sure that will be so much fun so I posted before we do that!

Enjoying Day 11 and 12

Day 11: I had Ella and Asher all to myself yesterday. We had to do a bit of shopping in the morning. We popped Starbucks into the agenda. I really enjoy being able to break the four down every once in awhile to enjoy their personalities more intimately. We enjoyed a nice conversation, the three of us.

Day 12: Today I enjoyed my kids as we sat at the lunch table together. We frequently eat meals together so this was nothing new. But as we sat there, I had an overwhelming sense of thankfulness for each of my kids, their uniqueness, and how much I love their daddy. I do enjoy my family. It has been good for me to meditate on this for the last 12 days!

Enjoying Day 9 and 10

Day 9: After a busy, busy day, I enjoyed snuggling with my kids on the couch and watching a movie that made all of us laugh.

Day 10: After a busy week, I enjoyed all of us staying in our PJs, reading books on the couch together, and taking the day as it comes. Hoping to enjoy a naptime this afternoon!

Enjoying!

Day 2 of ENJOYING my family: Success. A few days ago, I was praying about my relationship with Judah in particular. I was asking for more wisdom and in roads. The Lord reminded me of a key he gave me last summer: if I stay connected to Judah's heart, he will be fine. If I don't . . . well, maybe it will be a rockier road (more nuts and marshmallows or something)!
Judah loves one on one time. He comes alive when he has my undivided attention (which doesn't happen so often in our house). Holy Spirit made me know I need to put date nights with Judah on the calendar so that he can see and look forward to our alone time. We do it occasionally but it's always sporadic. Ever since I did that a week ago, he has been a different kid: more responsive, positive, upbeat. Duh. Why am I so slow?
Tonight was date night number 1. Couldn't have gone better! My all time favorite moment was when we sat down across from each other in the booth at In-n-Out. He pulled out his cell phone (an old one of Heath's that isn't connected but the camera still works), jumped in my booth seat, put his arm around my shoulder and took a picture of us together!!! I almost wanted to cry! In that moment, it felt like life couldn't get much better. Thanks Judah. I think we were both filled up tonight.
Hope your day of enjoying people and the beauty in your world was a success as well! Happy enjoying to you.

Enjoy

Long time no real post. So many thoughts swirling through my mind, lots of sick days snuggling on the couch, coughing our brains and swirling thoughts out!

The last couple weeks Heath and I have been discussing how neither of us take time to have fun. I think it stems from both of us being fairly driven, slightly perfectionistic, and very first bornish. (he he. . . like my new word?) As this is swirling through my head, I sensed the Lord telling me that I need to ENJOY my kids more thoroughly. I love spending time with my kids (though I'll be the first to admit that I crave weekends alone). I love home schooling them. I love doing enriching things with them. But I don't laugh enough. I don't simply enjoy who they are enough.

Enjoy: To take delight or pleasure in. I want my kids to grow up with the confidence and experiential knowledge that I take delight in THEM as individuals. I know how difficult it has been to believe that Jesus takes delight in me. Maybe if I can instill some tangible experiences within them, this won't be such a struggle for them. So my goal this month. . . ENJOY. One successful day down, 30 to go. By that time it's supposed to be habit, right?

Praying you ENJOY your people, your holidays, the beautiful things in your life. I'm trying.

Growing up

"The days are long but the years are short."

Abiel and I have recently been enjoying each other immensely. She is 11 and the years are getting shorter and shorter with her. Tonight as we were driving alone together, she said, "In only 7 years I'll be 18!" NOOOOO! Say it isn't true! That's not enough time. I anticipate ups and downs in the next 7 years, but for right now, I am storing up the treasures in my heart of all our meaningful conversations, sharing life's joys and heartaches, and learning about life together. As we chat, I remember so vividly, the emotions that accompany the emergence of young adulthood. She's handling it beautifully. I couldn't be more thankful for the opportunity to live it with her rather than observe it all from the outside. I'm beyond thankful that she is inviting me into her world, her emotions, her thoughts. I think it's the best gift I've received in a very, very, very long time. I love you, Abiel. Thank you for trusting me with your heart.

ahhh busyness

Soooo many thoughts, too little time to put them into concise, followable phrases. So bullet points will have to do for now with an exhausted allergy brain frog . . . I mean fog.

** Charter School classes are a BLAST for all the kids except me and Ella. :-(

** Realizing the depth and extent of my introverted personality with all of the conversations with other Charter school moms, two very L O N G days a week.

** School at home is going well. Ella is getting used to the routine and is much more cooperative. Whew! I think we've finally found curriculum that we can all thrive in.

** All of us are in adjustment period as Heath just finished his 2nd week at his new job as a manager of a warehouse. He's exhausted physically and mentally as are all of us at home. But he loves the challenges of his new job and that is a real blessing.

** Kicking around all sorts of ideas the Lord has on the forefront of my brain: love, holiness, Truth, peace, prayer.

** Reading some good books lately (that's how I unwind after long, exhausting days). Currently reading "The Little Prince" by Antoine Saint-Exupery. It's a children's book but FULL of thought provoking ideas. And if you like young adult fiction for mindless entertainment, "Gregor the Overlander" series by Suzanne Collins has captivated Abiel and I. You have to be into the mythological genre because you run into talking 6 ft rats, bats that carry people, cockroachs that are gigantic and all sorts of other fantastical things in the Underland. :-)

** Favorite worship album right now that's on continuous play all day is "Love Came Down" by Brian Johnson. Very mellow and contemplative . . . brings lots of peace to my frazzled brain throughout the day.

** Basically, life is great. It's just taking on a pace I'm not sure we can maintain very long. Might be taking the ax to some things next semester. But it's fun while it lasts!

GOOD NIGHT

Case of the Missing Kitty Whiskers

The title says it all. Who dunnit? Ummm, well, who can manage to hold our maniac kitten still long enough to snip off the left side of her whiskers almost completely? Oh and one more detail, who would THINK of doing that and be able to pull it off without any true harm to the cat? Only Judah.
The two good things that came out of this little situation is 1) a lesson in telling the truth. . . even when you think you'll get in trouble, and 2) a really good laugh at our lopsided little kitty!

Baptizing our kids!

John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it.

Matthew 8:16-17 That evening many demon-possessed people were brought to Jesus. All the spirits fled when he commanded them to leave; and he healed all the sick. This fulfilled the word of the Lord through Isaiah, who said, "He took our sicknesses and removed our diseases."
Colossians 2:12-15 For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to a new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead. You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all our sins. He canceled the record that contained the charges against us. He took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ's cross. In this way, God disarmed the evil rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross of Christ.

----------------
It was our joy and privilege to baptize Abiel and Judah before the witnesses of our fellowship and family. They shared their testimony of Jesus making their hearts alive and then each shared a favorite verse that has been meaningful to them. Abiel's is John 3:16-17 and Judah's is Matthew 8:16-17. (see above)

Our family has come to understand that the work of Christ on the cross is not reserved only for the forgiveness of our sins but it is also for our healing and deliverance. God's idea of salvation is such a full picture, so complete and truly overwhelming! "When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth." (Eph. 3:14)

It was a great delight to hear Abiel and Judah give testimony of the comprehensive work of Jesus on the cross. It is our privilege to teach our children that once we have died with Christ, we now live through the power of the Holy Spirit moving within us, the SAME SPIRIT THAT RAISED JESUS (and us) from the dead!! Mind blowing! Thank you for your beautiful sacrifice on the cross and your resurrection through the power of the Holy Spirit that has given us life abundantly! We love you, Jesus!

Do you know?

Do you know what silly thing I wish? I really, really wish that childhood was not so inextricably linked to adulthood. I wish that at 19 or 20, a person could hit a button that would let them "be free" of all the negative things that would follow them into adulthood. I wish they could retain only the good and helpful and beautiful things. That would take a whole lotta pressure off my parenting skills! :-)
Hmmm, but I haven't found any genies lately that grant silly wishes. So further up and further in . . . and only by God's mercy and empowering Presence do I continue to do all that I can to make the childhood of 4 little people as whole and healthy as possible. JESUS HELP!

Kids in transition

Kids transition just as roughly as adults. But often their processing comes out in weird or bad behavior and there is a tendency to simply crack down on discipline or ignore it completely. Here's what my kids look like in transition and it is down right HARD.
One of my kids ended up with a severe skin rash. I really think it's all the stress she is trying to process and it came out on her body. Ugh.
One of my kids gets extremely disrespectful and rude. Makes me want to go through the roof.
One of my kids has to go to the bathroom every two minutes and I am being literal.

So, what NOT to do with your kids in transition?
Try NOT to drop your schedule and routine even though your life feels like it's a whirlwind, tornado, or hurricane. If you do, as I did, you WILL end up in a hurricane.

Try NOT to be quick to discipline actions in a harsher way but instead take time to get to the heart of the behavior. . . it's most likely that the child is sad and unable to process all the changes in their little life.

Sunday night, I was at an overload, hurricane alert, disaster impending place as mommy and household manager. I called a family meeting and we all reinstated the routine. Ahhhh. Life is moving along considerably smoother. Other things have shifted as well, which I will be sharing in the near future. These shifts have brought more peace to the kids and myself. Looking back, I simply wish I could maintain structure and routine even when I'm in a whirlwind. So if you're in transition, or heading into transition, I'll pray you are able to do what I couldn't, for the sake of your kids.

Celebrate!

This week I am celebrating the finale of 10 years and 9 months of changing diapers!! NO MORE! Elianna is officially diaper free and refuses to put them back on. Believe me, I'm not asking her to even though it means changing some wet sheets occasionally! There must be some reward for almost 11 years of diaper changing on a regular basis! People keep telling me to enjoy my kids when they're little and I'm trying. But truly, some things just won't be missed.

Funny Asher

We were helping (well, more like watching) our friends pack up to move on Friday evening. Asher was standing in the bathroom doorway watching her pack the bathroom. With all sincerity he asked, "How do you pack up the toiwet (toilet)?"

He's trying to get his mind around time, the calendar, days of the week, etc. He is enjoying crossing days off of his calendar (I'm training him well). :-) Yesterday he was trying to figure out what day it was on the calendar and said, "Mom, is it past the day it already was?" Doesn't that sound like something right out of Winnie the Pooh?

Tender Hearted Asher

I posted lasted night that the grieving has begun. As I sat in a puddle of tears in our quiet, peaceful home surrounded by night sounds of the country, I remembered. I remembered moving in. I remembered two years of highlights with the kids' birthdays and holidays with friends and family. I remembered many things.

And as I sat with Jesus' holding me close to his heart, I heard his heart beating for Asher. My tender, relational Asher. I've seen him enter a new stage of behavioral problems in the last month. At first I was passing it off as turning 5. Then I was passing it off on allergies and sickness that hit us. The last several days though, I've been wondering if it was about the move. Last night Jesus told me it was. So the grieving has begun for us all. And the thing about being a mom is that you don't get to grieve in solitude. You have the honor and challenge of leading all your little ones through healthy grieving and goodbyes. It a task not for the weak to be sure.

Today I have Asher and Ella all to myself. I love these times when I can focus on them as individuals rather than trying to corral the posse! The three of us snuggled on the couch at 6:30 AM (after the spilt milk and cereal was cleaned up, of course) and watched a cartoon. It happened to be a saddish cartoon. Somewhere in the middle, when the little puppy was missing his family, I could see Asher's eyes tearing up. Perfect opportunity to go deeper.

I gently probed about his feelings concerning the movie and then about moving.

"Are you sad about moving to another place?"
"Um hmm."
"What are you going to miss?"
"The Georges and Kelly." And the tears were rolling . . . for us both. It was a good cry, a good snuggle, and a good connection.

After a month of wanting move his room out to the barn, his behavior is back to my sweet, funny Asher. Giving myself permission to grieve allows me to give my children permission to grieve and to go through the process with them as much as they need me to (when I'm aware).

Oh and in case you're afraid our house will be under water from all the tears by the end of the next 3 months, not to worry. We don't cry ALL the time. Just when we feel it bubbling up to the surface. There will be happy remembering moments mixed in with the tears.

If you think of us, please pray for Jesus' arms to be tangible for us through this time.

REJOICING!

There is great rejoicing in our house today! M&M's for everyone! Elianna went poop in the toilet, unaided and without trauma! In fact, she was so excited that it didn't hurt, she wanted to keep sitting there, trying to go more! Sit there all day if you want to! :-) Now she's taking a nice long nap. Whew.

You can't imagine my relief today (and hers, I'm sure)!


"Poop = Life. Things that don't poop are dead. Don't freak out about other people's crap. It means they are living. Just help them learn how to clean it up."
~quoted from a friend who was quoting or paraphrasing Heidi Baker. Couldn't resist after our last two weeks of toilet trauma.